Dear Carla: Recently I’ve become aware of an increase in the use of the “n word”, particularly by our youth. As an educated person who serves Bermuda’s youth I’m shocked and disgusted every time I hear it.

Some young people and their parents think it is an acceptable term and is commonplace enough to be ignored when it’s used or if it’s used as humour or as a term of “endearment”.

This is something I am and never will be convinced of and it sickens me … Dr Martin Luther King must be rolling in his grave. I correct both adults and young ones when they use it and explain why. Am I wasting my time?

STOP USING THAT WORD!

Dear Stop: Before I went to university I’d never used that word. I went to school in the South but what I found most amazing is that many of my black friends used it frequently towards each other.

I would be very uncomfortable with them doing so as is never used that word prior to then. But I subsequently found myself using it in the same context as them. And was often corrected when I returned home.

Years later, I hardly use it but I recently had an experience which made me vow never to use it again. I was with a group of friends, black and white, and we were all having a great time.

One of the black guys was telling a white guy that he was his “n” and wanted him to call him that. They were laughing but the white guy would say it.

Many of were uncomfortable with what was going on but the egging continued. I was repulsed to think that this person found this so endearing.

I can honestly say I was embarrassed by his actions. Their profound ignorance dumbfounded me. I learned a very valuable lesson that day.

That there are some things that should never be turned into a joke. I would encourage you never to accept that sort of vernacular. Speak to them about it. Never give up.

Dear Carla: I have a child, but the father and I no longer go together, but when I send the child to the father’s house I have to send clothes and toys etc. I don’t think I would mind if he helped buy the things but he doesn’t buy anything.

It’s always an excuse for why it can’t be done. The father isn’t on child support. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt but it doesn’t seem to be working.

He finds money to buy drinks and buys himself shoes and clothes but the child has nothing at his house. I do send clothes but I never get them back. Should I stop sending clothes? Should I go to court to file for child support?

FED UP

Dear Fed Up: Sounds like your child’s father is doing what you have allowed him to do as far as provisions. You did not say he was a bad or absentee father so that a good thing for your child.

I think you should try to sit down and discuss your frustrations with him. Give him the opportunity to make a better effort before putting him in the courts. I do not think going to court should be the first option but instead a last resort.

For some, entering the court system breeds resentment and that doesn’t do anything for the child or children involved.

I think you should be honest with dad and tell him what you intend to do if he does not pick up his socks.

As far as not sending clothes, while I fully understand why you feel that way, think about what your child will have if you don’t send anything … Nothing!

So although it may seem like you are making life easier for him, really the only person who will truly suffer is your child.

Dear Carla: My child’s mother who barely speaks to me, call me up out if the blue and asked me to go half with her on a Christmas gift for them.

I asked if the gift will be able to come to my house when our child does so they can enjoy it at both places. She said: “We’ll see.”

I’m sorry but that is not a satisfactory answer. I think she’s just using me because she can’t afford the gift on her own. I don’t want to disappoint our child but I’m not willing to let her use me. What should I do?

NOT A BANK

Dear Not A Bank: If you feel the mother is using you then do not assist in the purchasing of it. The red flag for me is when she could not give you a definitive answer about sharing the gift. If I was in your shoes I wouldn’t do it.