Dear Carla: I saw my best friend’s boyfriend out dancing with another woman. It wasn’t your typical dance. It was very intimate. He was kissing her neck and then at the end of the night they left together. This is the same female that he was cheating with a few months ago and he denied it. Should I tell her? – I KNOW WHAT I SAW

Dear I Know: If it was my friend, I would tell her but not everyone would agree with me. Some may feel you are getting in their business but I would suggest that you do this ... ask yourself if you would want your friend to tell you. If you wouldn’t then don’t tell her. If you would then go ahead. But are you prepared for what you could be starting, especially since he was accused of messing with this girl before? Are you willing to live with that? I remember a few years ago I told a friend and she believed me. And she walked away. I was surprised because they had a family but she told me enough was enough. I remember getting emotional as I considered telling her because of the possible repercussions but one thing I can’t stand is a person being made a fool of in a relationship. One day out of the blue the guy approached me and asked me why I told her. My response: because you’ve hurt her so much and she deserves better. Do I regret telling her? NO. But if I could turn back the hands of time would I tell her again, would I? Not so sure because their family unit ended. Would I want to know if the shoe was on the other foot? Heck yes!

Dear Carla: I’m 30 and my daughter is 12. I’m thinking about having another baby but I wonder if that’s too big an age gap between the siblings because she’ll be thirteen. – AM I TOO OLD?

Dear Too Old: You think that you are too what? NO WAY! While 13 years is a significant age difference it is not necessarily a bad thing. Look at it as being a new mom for the second time. Involve your daughter in your pregnancy so she doesn’t feel disconnected from the experience. Involve her with naming the baby, picking out themes for the room and things like that. You’ll be fine. Good luck!

Dear Carla: I am a single father raising my daughters. Their mother left years ago. My oldest is 14 and still does not have her monthly but I know it’s only a matter of time. I want to talk to her about boys and stuff but I don’t know how to bring up the subject. I just don’t feel comfortable but I know it’s a conversation that I need to have with her. How do I start it? – NEED HELP

Dear Need Help: Do you have a female, like an aunt or one of her godmothers, who could help you with initiating the conversation? They can serve as a translator for you (lol).

There are certain things that females relate to better and certainly experiences that only they can go through so it would make life a little easier for you in the beginning. But eventually you will have to become better at having these conversations with both of your girls.

It will enhance your relationship with them as well. There’s nothing more heartwarming when a parent can have open conversation with their child.

Furthermore, you want your daughter to be able to turn to you for guidance as opposed to turning to a another male.

Dear Carla,

My mother passed away this summer and this will be my first Christmas without her. We would always spend Christmas Eve together. I just feel so lost and I’ve already started crying as I think about her not being here. I just want to stay in my bed all day. I almost feel crippled.

LONELY

Dear Lonely,

You have my deepest condolences. Although it seems like it will be difficult, please do not stay home. Would your mother want you to be in a funk or would she want you to relish in her memory? Do at least one thing on Christmas Eve that you would have done with her and incorporate her memory.

If it was setting the table, do it as she would have done. Talk to her as if she is physically in the room with you. And watch how often you will smile. You will cry too but the happiness will come through.

I used to do this a lot when my grandmother died and it helped me through some hard times. On Christmas Day, visit her grave and have a prayer. Have your Christmas meal with family or close friends. Surround yourself with love; not isolation.

After the holidays you may want to consider grief counselling. It will help greatly. All the best.