Dear Carla,

I have been seeing this guy and I thought that everything was going well. We live an hour and a half away so we only get to see each other twice or three times a week. One day I was going to see him (he knew) and halfway through he told me not to come and that the distance was causing a wedge between us.

I was stunned by what he said because it seems so out of left field. Because I was determined to fight for what we are building I continued with the drive and went to his house. He was not there. When I sent him a message to let his know that I was there he said that I was disrespectful for disobeying his wishes.

He hurt my feelings by saying that. I was so hurt by his actions and his words and have no clue where this is coming from. I waited a few days and then sent him a message on social media and I can see he read it but he has not responded. I am so upset I don’t know what to do.

CONFUSED

Dear Confused,

I don’t think that there is much that you can do or say since he seems set on how he is feeling right now. I hate to break it to you, but his behaviour seems consistent with that of someone who has another female in his presence. I agree with you. Assuming you are giving the whole story, his actions seem random. While your feelings are hurt, I think you need to find ways to get over him. It doesn’t seem worth the heartache. Take time to analyse the situation so that you don’t make the same mistake again. Building relationships are hard but with time you will find the right man who can appreciate and complement you.

Dear Carla,

I have a teenage daughter who I allow to use social media sites and I randomly check her usage to make sure there is nothing sinister going on. Recently I stumbled across a message from a boy who is making lewd suggestions to her. He is her age so he is not a paedophile, just sexually aggressive. She ignores him but I am concerned if he will eventually break her down. How do I talk to her about this without letting her know that I check her messages?

CYBER MOM

Dear Cybermom,

Social media can be very scary, can’t it? I think you need to confront the topic head on and you do not have to let her know that you were surfing her inbox. Instead talk to her generally about sex and all of its potential consequences, including cyber sex. Google examples of situations that ended badly so that she can see that your concerns are legitimate. Without letting her know about you going into her inbox, ask her what would she do in certain scenarios, and walk her though solutions. You cannot afford to put your head in the sand on this one because the end result could be disastrous.

Dear Carla,

How do I let a female know that I am interested in her? I am afraid to do so because I don’t think that I am her type. Do people still send flowers to women or does that creep them out?

SHY

Dear Shy,

There’s nothing wrong with sending flowers. I think men have moved away from being chivalrous so it would mean a lot. Just don’t send roses because that’s a bit intense. Consider asking her out to lunch or a date to break the ice. You won’t know if you are her type unless you find out. Good luck.

Dear Carla,

A guy and I have a history. We have liked each other for years but have always had partners. I am now single and he is in an unhappy relationship. They do not spend much time together and he and I spend hours talking on the phone. I have gone to him home and there is no sexual contact between us despite the strong attraction. He wants to spend more time with me but I feel that he needs to permanently sever the tie between him and her no matter how much time they spend apart. He says that we should “see if we are good together”. I think he is trying to have the best of both worlds and have told him so. He says I am playing hard to get. What should I do? He is my dream man.

I WANT ONE WORLD

Dear I Want,

I think that he is being selfish and wants to see if he can land on his feet either way. If he is done with her then he needs to let go. It’s unfair for you to start investing feelings in him while he is still emotionally involved with someone else, no matter how strained. You are doing the right thing, however I think you need to stop spending time with him. You are actually cheating with him, despite there being no intimate relations. I think that you should back off and let him decide what he’s going to do with his relationship. It’s only right for both of you. And may I add, how you get him, is how you lose him.