Dear Carla: We are SO ANNOYED. A family member’s “other” parent is adamant of leaving the child in a private nursery / preschool when the child is old enough to go to FREE Government pre-school. The “other parent” has a steady job and a steady income while our family member is trying very hard to build up a business and does not have a steady income (the economy is not easy in Bermuda at all right now).

The other parent is being very unreasonable and is expecting our family member to pay for half of the nursery fees, which they cannot afford due to already being in debt and trying so hard to come out of it. We are trying to leave gender out of it for confidentiality. The parents have never been married, and are no longer in a relationship but do appear to be working through most things reasonably well.

The relationship from the beginning has always been one of manipulation and control and our family member has often had to give in to keep the peace. We see that manipulation and control starting to rear its ugly head again, and the pressure being put on our family member is very unfair and unreasonable on their finances. I wish the other parent would understand that Government preschools are not going to “set your child back” and have some consideration for the child’s other parent’s financial situation.

So sick of selfish, controlling and manipulating parents who have no regard for the other parents’ situation — not just this one — but it seems to be a problem with Bermuda parents overall. We can’t even BEGIN to “go there” about the nasty parent who keeps the children from the other parent, or the other parent’s family just to be spiteful and nasty because they didn’t get their way or is mad at the other parent — that’s another kettle of fish altogether. I wish parents would grow up and stop doing stupidity that affects the children one way or another. ... Please help! — LOVE THE CHILDREN, HATE THE DRAMA

Dear Love the Children: Unfortunately, not every parent operates in the best interest of the child. Let’s address the Government preschool situation. Firstly, some parents are of the belief Government preschools do not offer comparable education to those in the private sector. This is a myth. There are many successful citizens in Bermuda who received their foundation at Government preschools. Too often parents get caught up in the hype of thinking a high price tag for something for their children means “better”. That money could be invested in the child’s future instead. Mom and dad need to sit down and have a heart to heart. I think if a parent is suffering financially it’s selfish for the other parent to disregard that. If they are insistent in putting the child in a private nursery then they should be willing to pay the bulk of the fees and accept that the other parent will only be able to pay a portion. It’s not too late for the child to be registered for Government preschool; first day of classes is September 8.

As far as parents using the kids as pawns, unfortunately it happens a lot. Women keeping their children away from fathers and fathers staying away from their children ... all to spite each other. But this is where extended families come in. They should be bridging the gap between the estranged parents so that the children remain connected to both sides of their families. It’s vital. As parents, we have to keep the children’s wellbeing.

Dear Carla: I dislike being wound one of my parents. I think they are mean and evil spirited and only use people when it’s convenient for them. I know they say honour thy parents but I feel like it’s torture to be around them. My friends think it’s horrible that I feel this way but they don’t have to be subjected to what I have to. Am I wrong?

I STAY AWAY

Dear Stay Away:

A person is never wrong for how they feel because no one can can walk in their shoes but them. Although some people may find it hard to understand, there are many people who do not get along with the parents.

It’s sad but true. All I would suggest you do is remain at the very least in phone contact with your parent to ensure that they are doing okay.

When the opportunity presents itself try to clear the air. Let your parent know how you feel. Try to make peace. The last thing you want is to live with regret should anything happens.