Dear Carla: I am so angry with my brother. He has three teenage sons who do nothing to help out him and his wife whatsoever. Besides doing well in school, their boys lay around the house and make no effort to lift a finger to do anything … unless their parents offer them some reward which is usually money.

I have told both my brother and sister-in-law that they are creating monsters that they will regret but they see nothing wrong with “offering incentives”. When we were growing up, we did whatever was asked of us by her parents and we especially were not expecting a reward. What is wrong with this picture? Or am I behind the times?

OLD SCHOOL

Dear Old School: Like you, I was not rewarded for doing chores. Now that I think about it, my “reward” was having a roof over my head and food in my belly. I do not pay my daughter to do chores and don’t think that I ever will but there are times when I give her something special because I realize what she does contribute towards our household. But to each his/her own.

If they want to pay their children, that is their prerogative. However, they should stop and think about what kind of men they are potentially creating.

What woman wants to deal with a lazy man? Your brother and sister-in-law should also see that if their sons were intrinsically motivated to help out, less burden would be on them.

Dear Carla: How do you deal with children who constantly argue over which one their parents favour the most?

For years, I have heard my children fight over this topic and despite me telling them that I love and treat them all equally, the fights continue. None of them seem to understand that we treat them differently because of their individual circumstances, all they see is, “Mommy did this for him” and “Daddy did that for her”.

They are really starting to get on my nerves, especially since they both now have children of their own. What do I do?

I LOVE THEM THE SAME

Dear Love Them The Same: I really don’t know if there is an answer to that. I felt like that when I was growing up and sometimes feel like that as an adult with both of my parents.

Good thing is, I am at the point in my life where my feelings do not dictate my relationship with either of my parents. It is what it is.

Funnily, my two oldest children accuse me of the same thing and I giggle because they each think that a sibling other than them is my favourite but neither choose the same sibling as being “THE ONE”. No matter how many times I tell them that they are wrong, they try to give me ten reasons why they are correct.

I’ve simply come to the conclusion that parents can’t ever win with this one!!

Dear Carla: My ex-boyfriend is constantly trying to come on to me despite living with his girlfriend.

He is always asking me to sleep with him and makes strong sexual innuendos which I ignore.

I have a boyfriend as well and he is well aware of what my ex is saying to me. He suggests I tell his girlfriend in order to make him stop. I’ve told her before of his ways but she remained with him so I think it makes no sense saying something again because I feel she will think that I am trying to break them up. I don’t want to be with him anymore and I definitely don’t want to sleep with him. How do I get him to see the picture? I have to deal with him because we have a daughter together.

LEAVE ME ALONE

Dear Leave Me Alone,

I don’t think you should tell the girlfriend because she sounds like she prefers to not know the truth. Do you know anyone who she will listen to who can tell her on your behalf? I would do that because you are correct, it will look like you are being malicious. As far as he is concerned, maybe your boyfriend should have a word with him and ask him respectfully to back off. Maybe, just maybe, hearing the message from your boyfriend will make him stop because he sees you’ve let the cat out the bag. Make sure when you speak to him about your daughter that the conversation is only centred around her. By doing this, you give him no leeway to turn it into a sexual one.