My friend is feeling guilty about giving her toddler a sausage at a party — they only eat organic food.

Oh the pain of that poor child. What’s wrong with an occasional bit of processed meat?

I gave my daughter yesterday’s lunch.

My husband usually makes my daughter lunch (for good reason), but he was running late and I was in a rush. I pulled out her lunch box, removed her sandwich container and found a clean one. I made her sandwich, placed it in the clean container, and then turned my attention to the snacks.

Unfortunately, I didn’t pay close attention to which container I put back in the lunch box.

That afternoon she seemed very hungry, but was cagey about why. She has a tendency to skip eating snacks and lunch in favour of socialising, so I figured that was it.

My husband checked her lunch box. Inside was a dry looking sandwich, minus a few bites.

She began to cry. “The teacher made me sit at another table by myself to eat lunch. All I was doing was talking, and she sent me off by myself.”

Eating lunch by herself was the worst thing my social butterfly could imagine. “Was it because you were talking instead of eating?” I asked sternly.

“I didn’t feel like eating my sandwich,” she grumbled.

I went back and looked at the sandwich in her lunch box. It was a ham sandwich. Hadn’t I made her peanut butter and jelly? There was another container lying loose on the counter.

I picked it up. It was her peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I went back and asked her why she hadn’t told me.

She said: “I opened it up and said, ‘this is yesterday’s lunch’.

“The boys laughed. I just shut my lunch box and was sitting there, talking. The teacher made me sit by MYSELF!”

Honestly, her angst was more about the teacher than about her awful mother. Then came the worst part: the teacher wouldn’t believe her when she said it was yesterday’s lunch. The teacher probably didn’t believe a parent would do something so despicable.

“My teacher is a dragon,” she sobbed.

I gave her a hug and said I was sorry her teacher acted so terribly.*

*Editor’s note: The teacher is wonderful, I was just trying to save my own bacon.

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