Dear Dr Nekia,

I am married to a man who is always away on business. We have been married for ten years and in the beginning it did not bother me.

Neither one of us want children, but I am finding it more and more difficult to be alone when he is gone. It is like the older I get the more I want to just live a happy life with my husband and our dogs.

I own my own business which keeps me busy, but I just feel like something is missing. When he is home I feel fine so I am becoming afraid that I am outgrowing my marriage. What can I do to stop us from growing apart because I know he will not give up his career for me.

Sincerely,

Married But Alone

Dear Married But Alone,

It sounds as though you are aware that you signed up for being a partner in a marriage where you are not the first priority.

This is indicated by your mentioning that you know that he will not give up his career for your happiness, and while you can not expect this of him, you should expect compassion on his part.

Because you are changing as a person, you will want to do some soul searching as to why this is. Once you understand yourself and your changing heart, you will then be in a better position to have a heartfelt talk with your husband about your true feelings.

Chances are that he is oblivious to your evolving needs, and as long as this is the case he will be unable to meet those needs.

As I said, it would be unfair of you to expect him to change just because you have so keep this in mind as you will want to avoid as much disappointment as possible should he not react favourably. The truth is, that we all evolve and change. None of us stay the same and within a loving marriage, partners choose to grow and evolve together.

Be careful that you do not withdraw into your own world of wants and unmet needs. Stay connected with your husband, and keep him up to date on everything that is going on in your life and in your heart.

He may not be here with you in a physical capacity all of the time, but this does not mean that he does not desire to be an important part of your life. And should he choose to continue his extensive travels and you continue to feel as though you are alone, you will have to decide if your marriage no longer fulfills you. There is no easy answer, and hopefully you both can get back to travelling in the same direction.

Dear Dr. Nekia,

I am so embarrassed to even ask this but is there something wrong with a man having a thing for thong panties? My man is obsessed with thong panties. He goes through all of the underwear magazines, catalogues, and websites, and he insists on going with me whenever I go panty shopping for myself.

Although I have never seen him wear man thongs or thong panties, he has expressed that he thinks that he will come back as a woman just so he can wear them. This can not be normal, and I am wondering if I made the right choice of man.

Sincerely,

He Has A Panty Fetish

Dear He Has A Panty Fetish,

You may be surprised to know this but men having fetishes with women’s garments are not uncommon. Many men share in his love for panties as well there are men who just adore women’s shoes, and bras.

And yes, some of these men secretly have a desire to be a woman or at least be more feminine like, but for the majority this is not the case.

As odd as it may seem, your boyfriend’s affinity for pretty panties does not mean that he is weird, or gay. The fact that he even feels comfortable enough with his sexuality to admit and share his love affair with you is a positive thing. You will want to keep the lines of communication open.

Encourage him to talk about it in depth with you. Because having him comfortable and thinking that you are in acceptance of him will be key in ensuring that you will know the truth behind his fetish and that your concerns will be put to rest.

For now, why not have fun with it? Browse for panties with him and be sure to model them as well. After all, what could be better to him than pretty panties besides his woman in the pretty panties!

It will be a two-for-one special for him, and you will be sure to keep his sexual appetite exactly where it should be — focused on you. We women really need to learn to lighten up sometimes.

Sex and sexuality is not methodical or logical, but is instead spontaneous and expressive. Leave the book of rules for the workplace. And when you come home to your man, let your hair down and enjoy the ride.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I see that you have been trying to get fit and I can relate because I am also trying to do the same. However, since I have started eating right and working out, my wife has been complaining that I do not give her enough special attention. The truth is that I would rather reserve my energy for my workouts. Am I being selfish? How can I make her understand that I do still want her, but that this is important to me right now?

Sincerely,

Fitness Bound

Dear Fitness Bound,

What you are experiencing is very normal for men. Sex does drain you of potential energy and that is why it is so very important for athletes to keep their strength up.

In fact, most serious athletes limit or omit sex completely before competitions or important games. There is no doubt that sexual energy serves as the most powerful energy for creativity and focus, but it is also a very valuable source of energy for physical excellence.

You will want to educate your wife on these facts. As well, explain to her the difference that you feel when having sex versus not having sex. Link these experiences when expressing the importance of your fitness success to her.

Invite her to join in on your fitness journey so that she does not feel left out. This will also give her a chance to experience first hand the sacrifices that you are making.

Also, you will want to give her special attention in other areas where you can demonstrate to her your desire and affection for her. A good example of this would be to bathe her.

If she enjoys a good soak in the tub, be sure to take time to run a soothing bath for her, sponge her down, and then lovingly dry and lotion her body afterwards. If she prefers a massage, then do that.

If she needs help with the laundry, start sorting the clothes and give her a foot massage as she enjoys the free time to sit and relax. Shower her with extra hugs and kisses and do not stop flirting with her.

Sexual intercourse is an important way for couples to connect, but it is not the only way to make one another feel wanted.

Be creative, pay attention to what she enjoys outside of the bedroom, and good luck on your fitness journey.