Dear Dr Nekia,

I’ve been dating for quite some time now and I am finding it difficult to find someone who I can have good meaningful conversations with. Why does it seem like single men nowadays have nothing to offer but sex?

Sincerely,

Where Are All The Grown Men?

Dear Where Are All The Grown Men,

First you would have to consider where and how are you meeting these men that you are talking about. You will want to be sure to meet men at appropriate places and under appropriate circumstances.

For instance, your chances of meeting an intellectually stimulating male will greatly increase if you frequent art galleries and community social events rather than bars and nightclubs. Next you will want to remember that you, as the woman, set the tone for your dating experience. Do not sit back and just wait for a man to give you the experiences that you desire. Strike up conversations that interest you and if he is uneducated on the topics, fill him in a bit and see if he has some perspective to offer.

In a world of text messaging and social media, conversation is sadly becoming a lost art form. If being a conversationalist is important to you, choose men with a passion for life who are open-minded. You may need to bring them up to speed on some things, but as long as they are open to talk, you will get good feedback from them. Also, allow men to talk about what they want to talk about. Many men tell me that they feel there is no point to talking to women because they feel that the women will either be disinterested or that she will look at them like they are dumb.

Seek out men with the potential to communicate, then be open to letting them express themselves in an environment where they feel comfortable and watch all of the ideas that come flying out of their mouths.

Men have far more than sex to offer us women, but sadly that tends to be their “go to” activity because it is the one thing that most men enjoy doing with women and it is also the one thing that they are sure they can accomplish ... most times. Shake things up a bit and take the lead by initiating conversation around topics that are of common interest to you and your date. If you find that he is just not willing to talk, then chances are that he is not really connecting with you, or that he is not what you are looking for.

Dear Dr Nekia,

You recently compared the women’s rights movement to the civil rights movement. In my opinion there is no comparison. One dealt with the wants of women while the other with the outright racism of an entire people. How can you compare the two because, personally, I think that you are grabbing for straws.

Sincerely,

There’s Simply No Comparison

Dear There’s Simply No Comparison,

You are correct that each movement had its unique voice and audience, however to assume that there is no comparison is false. Both dealt with a disenfranchised group of people.

Whether based upon sex or upon race does not negate the fact that both bodies of persons perceived and lived the reality of injustice.

Those against civil rights would look at those fighting for it and say that they are just making noise for wants just as you have said about women. This is because it is not an uncommon event for persons who feel that they are not affected by the injustice to frown upon those who fight against injustice. Next, the two movements are comparable in that they both were seeking for legal rights to vote, equal rights to work and equal rights to own property.

Expecting for women to be satisfied with simply relying upon men to provide her a voice for a vote, money for expenses and property for living is no different than whites who felt that blacks should remain dependent upon them for governance, provisions and living accommodations. We must realise that we are all born from a woman and it is the state of our women that determine the welfare of all humanity and of our future generations.

Women should always hold a special place in society as they are not only the gateway through which life comes into being, but also because they are the very ones we seek for comfort and pleasure.

No heterosexual man can deny the allure of women and so we must, male and female, be cognisant of how we treat and care for our women because like it or not, their wellbeing affects us all.

Besides, what does it say about a man who feels that he has every right to lay with a woman yet feel that her basic human rights are unimportant?

Who but a slave master would think himself privy to her comforts, while thinking her to be second class or beneath him?

Dear Dr Nekia,

If I am a woman who pays her own bills and can sexually satisfy herself, why do I even need a man?

I mean seriously, most of them are more work than they are worth.

Sincerely,

I Can Do It All

Dear I Can Do It All,

It would seem that you have an issue with the choices of men that you have made rather than men themselves. I say this because although we as women can all agree that there are some men not worth talking to, there are also a great deal of men who are more than worth our time and efforts.

A lot of time we get stuck in a cycle of choosing the same kind of man over and over and so we encounter the same man but different face syndrome which makes for a revolving door of dating.

For whatever reason it may be, we must stop our own cycle of poor decision-making before we can be open to meet and experience men who are better suited for us.

Also, I feel it necessary to address the fact that a man is more than a paycheque and a penis.

So whether you can pay your own bills and pleasure yourself or not, gives no cause for discrediting the value that a man can bring to your life. Women with an I-can-do-it-all-by-myself mindset are setting themselves up to live a very unbalanced and lonely life.

Males and females were created biologically, energetically and socially, to fit together and to strengthen and fulfil one another’s existence.

While a man or a woman can be perfectly happy being single, we cannot ignore the impact that it has on our physical, social and mental-emotional states of being. Be careful that you are not carrying rooted resentment towards men and remember that men are not work — they are not a project for you to fix or complete.

They are human beings who, like yourself, seek comfort and security within others, and they therefore deserve the same love, adoration and respect that any woman could ever hope for.

•Want relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com.