I have a confession to make. You know that school that holds up traffic every morning? My child goes there.

Here is an inside look at what goes wrong, from the inner workings of the school driveway.

Basically, the problem is uber parents, mostly uber daddies.

Since school started, I’ve had lots of time to contemplate this phenomenon, waiting and waiting in line to deposit my daughter at the drop-off point.

Me: Come on pops, move it, move it, move it!

A group of staff and teachers are supposed to get the younger children out of the cars and safely on to the porch.

They do this rain or shine, quickly and efficiently with smiles on their faces.

But the uber parents won’t let the process happen.

Whatever it says in the school manual, it is against the uber parenting code of honour to let someone else get their child out of the car in the morning.

And no, it is NOT more efficient for the parent to do it themselves. It’s just the opposite, in fact.

Me: No, don’t get out of the car the teacher’s coming! No! No!

Daddy switches off the car. He gets out leisurely.

Unfazed to be blocking traffic, he saunters to the back and takes 156 seconds to extract a single lunch box and pouch. He escorts the child to the porch. There are tearful smooches all around. He fights to extract the child’s arms from around his neck. More tearful smooches.

Toot! Toot! I’m getting old here. Move it along!

He saunters back to the car, but does not hurriedly drive away, as one would expect, but instead cranes his neck to see if his little angel is coping all right.

She’s fine. Drive! Drive!

You’d think the kid was going off to college instead of primary two.