Dear Dr Nekia,

Having been in a long-term relationship, I found out that my partner has invited the opposite sex into our relationship by meeting them, talking, and then somehow exchanging telephone numbers (their words). They have been speaking to each other all hours in the day and night, and I do not know how to convince them that it is a form of cheating. They admit that this type of communication could lead to something else, but refuse to stop speaking at indecent times.

I have no issue with them meeting new people but I cannot accept the telephone calls, WhatsApp, etc, at late or early hours. They don’t seem to understand and will not stop it. I will admit that I did ask my partner to cease speaking with the other person altogether and their reply was no as a matter of principle. I don’t understand and need advice.

Sincerely, Frustrated and Lost Trust

Dear Frustrated and Lost Trust,

It seems as though you and your partner are having trouble identifying what commitment is within your relationship. Each couple is responsible for defining the perimeters of their relationship which includes whether or not they choose to be monogamous or not.

If you indeed do not mind if your partner meets new people, then you should not mind if they communicate or meet with them either. After all, the point to meeting people is to get to know one another better so that a relationship can develop.

The resulting relationship has the potential to be platonic, sexual, emotionally intimate, or casual social media buddies. The thing is that your partner is free to develop these relationships which excludes you.

In other words, you really do not get a say in the nature of their relationship. So I would be very careful of deciding whether or not you do not mind your partner meeting new people.

Next I would like to address the fact that although communication late nights and early mornings have a greater potential to develop into sexual relationships, the reality is that sexual relationships can develop from communication that happens at any time of the day. Promiscuous relationships tend to develop faster from late night communication because people who communicate during these hours are more likely to be lonely and seeking an intimate connection from the opposite sex.

In this case, it says a lot that your partner is engaging in this behaviour. Also their refusal to cease such communications should be a red flag to you if you are seeking to be in a monogamous relationship. They are basically telling you that they are doing as they please and as a matter of principle you have no right to tell them to stop.

To you their behaviour may be considered cheating, but even though they admit that the potential exists for these side relationships to develop into something more than talking, they may not consider it cheating.

You and your partner are definitely not on the same page regarding the nature of your relationship. I would advise that instead of you trying to get them to see that they are cheating decide for yourself what kind of relationship you wish to be in and then discuss this with your partner. If their vision or behaviours do not fit with yours, be prepared to exit the relationship in favour of one more compatible with your needs.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I have been dating someone for a long time now and I think that I love him but I am having a difficult time being intimate with him. We have not had sex in a few months and honestly I thought that it was me and that I just have not had the desire for sex in general. That is until I went out recently and met someone. We flirted a bit and had an innocent dance but I definitely felt the attraction and desire for him. It shocked me that I was turned on and now I do not know what to do about my relationship. Doesn’t me not having any sexual desire for my man mean that things are pretty much over?

Sincerely, Not Feeling Him

Dear Not Feeling Him,

Sexual pitfalls in any relationship are normal, and just because you and your sweetie may have entered into one, it does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over. Think about what it is that excites you about this new person.

Ask yourself if it is the thrill of someone new, or if this person displays certain characteristics that you find lacking in your current partner. Sometimes our attraction to another person outside of our relationships can tell us a lot about what we are missing and wanting from our partners whom we are in a relationship with. Once you figure this out, try to find ways of rekindling this attraction with your sweetie. If he has gained weight let him know, if he seems less motivated let him know, if he puts forth less effort in making you feel special let him know. You get the picture.

Step one here is to figure out whether or not your attraction to this someone new is really because you are losing interest in your partner, or because this attraction is reminding you of something lost within your current relationship. Use this new experience of attraction to learn something new about your intimacy needs and the connection between you and your sweetie, but I would definitely not act on this new attraction until you are clear on what is fuelling it and that you have ended your current relationship.

Dear Dr. Nekia,

I have heard that a man can smell when a woman is turned on. I know that this happens in animals and dogs, but does it really happen with humans too? It seems crazy to me.

Sincerely, Can I Smell Sexy

Dear Can I Smell Sexy,

Yes this is very much true! Remember that humans are mammals, too.

Some men are well aware of this scent of attraction and use it to their advantage, while others are oblivious to it and act out of instinctual attraction. Both men and women give off a particular scent that attracts the opposite sex to them, and much like other animals, humans have a sexual cycle as well. Most of us do not bother to chart our sexual highs and lows, so we really would not know that there is a pattern or a cycle to it, but it is so.

Women in particular give off a variety of scents that can let herself and her man know what stage of her menstrual cycle she is in.

Typically the scent of being in heat can be easily picked up on by your partner during the time surrounding ovulation, but a similar smell can be given off right after the menstrual flow has stopped.

Nature has done a very good job in making sure that we women get pregnant, and women often smell and look more attractive to the opposite sex when there is the greatest likelihood of being impregnable.

• Want relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com