Dear Dr Nekia,

I am dating a man who’s penis is just too small for me. He is a good guy and he treats me very well, but sexually I am not satisfied. I really do not want to have to break things off with him because of this one flaw. We have had vague conversations surrounding the topic and he is confident so I really think that he believes that he is at least average. How do I tell him how I feel? I really do not want to hurt his feelings.

Sincerely,

Size Matters

Dear Size Matters,

When it comes to function, the size of a penis does not matter because it is still able to become erect, penetrate and impregnate a female. However, when we are talking about pleasure, size and technique play important roles. If your guy is anatomically too small for you, you will have to let him know.

Unfortunately, most men will not take this news well. You will have to be creative with your words. Be sure to let him know that you don’t think he is inadequate, but that you would like to explore how you can make sex more pleasurable for both of you.

It is important to concentrate on positions that encourage the pelvis to be close together and the vagina tightened, for maximum penetration. Keep in mind, the more you arch your back the greater tilt your pelvis will have, which allows for greater penetration. Brush up on your Kegel and vaginal exercises to make sure that your vagina is nice and taut, and put these muscles to use during sexual intercourse.

If you still find yourself unsatisfied, you can consider purchasing an extension sleeve that fits directly over the penis. There are sleeves that add both length and girth. Some are colourful, some vibrate and others are made of cyber skin materials if you prefer a more realistic feel. Furthermore, most sleeves are mutually stimulating so that both partners receive pleasure.

Do a bit of research ahead of time so that when you do have this sensitive talk with him, you have options to present to him.

Of course, he may feel uneasy about things at first, but if you focus more on the things that will improve your sex life rather than the fact that his size is not what you would like it to be, you stand a greater chance for things to go a bit smoother than you are anticipating.

If you feel that he is too sensitive or prideful a man, you could always opt not to tell him and present him with sexual suggestions anyhow. This way he will just think that you want to spice things up a bit and try new things. It’s probably better that you tell him so that you can work towards a common goal, but the choice is yours.

Dear Dr Nekia,

My father-in-law to be does not like me. My fiancée is a daddy’s girl and I never really had any problem with that until we got engaged. Ever since I put a ring on her finger, her dad has become extra intrusive and needy. He calls her almost every day and if he is not asking for her help, he is offering his help even when she doesn’t want or need it. I have told her how I feel about it, but she thinks that it is adorable the way her dad wants to be so close to her all the time. I do not mind him coming around or asking for our help — and I fully expect for them to carry on their relationship — but he is making it seem as though I cannot take care of his daughter. He even keeps asking her if she is sure that she wants to marry me. They have always been close and he has never really liked any of her serious boyfriends. How can I get him to back off, and let me be the man in his daughter’s life?

Sincerely,

Daddy’s Girl

Dear Daddy’s Girl,

As a daddy’s girl myself, I can relate to the closeness that your fiancée enjoys with her father. When parents and children have a really close bond, it can be difficult for their relationship to change appropriately, as they go through the various stages of life.

Many parents become distraught over having to let their children live their own lives; many children are crippled as adults because they cannot navigate life without the aid and approval of their parents. It is as though they get so attached that they do everything to avoid or minimise situations that will require any degree of separation within their relationship. One such situation most certainly is marriage.

I do not think that it is you that her father does not like, but rather it is what you represent. Here you are declaring your love and showing your commitment by requesting to be her husband.

Her father may be having difficulty facing the reality that his daughter now has another man to depend on. For an attached father, this could be very traumatic. He may be clinging on so tightly because he fears that he will no longer be as important to her.

You should try to have a man-to-man conversation with him in order to ease these fears. Assure him of your love for his daughter, your ability to care for her and your respect for him as her father. Try to get across to him that you are not taking his place and that he is not losing a daughter.

Your fiancée will also have to be willing to cut the strings that bind her to her father so closely. She must learn to confide in, trust in and depend on you to be the primary man in her life.

The more her father trusts that you are a suitable man for his daughter and that he will be able to remain a significant part of her life, the more likely that he will come to terms with the marriage.

Encourage your fiancée to gradually set boundaries with her father until he no longer interferes with your day-to-day lives. Hopefully, with her support, daddy dearest will eventually be able to find happiness in his daughter’s happiness with you. If she is reluctant to create some space from her father, you may have to become a bit stern with your approach. Set rules, while letting her know that you are not trying to come in between the two of them but that you want there to be some space so you can create a marital life together.

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