Dear Dr Nekia,

Why does it seem like so many single women are so content being side pieces? It is like they are proud to be “the other woman”.

This makes it very difficult to trust or respect women and, even though I may want to settle down, it is not easy to find a good woman. I do not need a freak in the bed, a cook, a cleaning lady, or someone to pay my way.

What I need is a woman who can bring something unique to the table, something of substance. But women nowadays are making it very difficult to take them seriously.

Sincerely, I Need More

Dear I Need More,

To understand the minds of women, we must first understand the condition of women, which is deeply rooted in the current social climate.

For the most part, we are still subject to the confines of a patriarchal society. Society plays a major role in our psychological and emotional wellbeing because we are receivers — we take everything in and then either nurture or multiply it.

Most of us have no idea that it is in our nature to be this way, but we are the textbook definition of “reactors”. This is a strength because it fuels our creative nature and encourages our nurturing abilities, but it also has the potential to lead to chaos and misery.

So, we must be very careful of the situations that we put ourselves in. For many women, the reality is that they do not see their value because of the experiences they have had.

And once this is so, they become unable to see the value in other people and their relationships. From there it is so easy for them to adopt the belief that they do not care about who a man is with as long as they are getting what they want.

With every man that comes along who uses her or treats her poorly, her belief of negative self-worth is reinforced. So many women tell themselves that they do not care for so long, that they start to believe it.

But show me a woman who acts this way and I will show you a woman full of hurt and pain.

Because she deeply craves the attention and companionship of a male, she is willing to settle for part of a man rather than investing in a healthy, wholesome relationship of her own. The women who you may choose to use and/or cast aside in judgment, are the women who, at their core, are harbouring pain, resentment and anger. If you truly are looking for a woman of substance, stop wasting your energy and attention on women you know are not bringing anything concrete to your life. If you continue to invest your time in unfruitful women you have no one but yourself to blame for the missed opportunities that you could be having with someone better suited for you.

There will always be men and women out there who are easy to have, but it is up to each one of us to choose whether or not we will give ourselves to them.

Some may think they are not giving much of anything through causal relationships without considering that they are giving invaluable time and sexual energy to situations they know are not serving any real purpose.

This reflects their own personal struggle with fear, hurt, anger and lack of self-worth.

Dear Dr Nekia,

My husband is beginning to complain about having a low sex drive. I have noticed that he has been less interested in sex lately, but if I initiate it he is ready to go and says that he enjoys it.

Because he can perform, and is good once he gets started, we did not think that it was necessary for him to go see a doctor but things have not improved over the past few weeks. Should we start to worry?

Sincerely, Low Libido

Dear Low Libido,

The decline of sexual desire for a man can be a confusing and traumatic experience. Many men centre their identity and manhood around their stamina and virility, so when there is a loss of sexual desire, or the ability to perform begins to decline, they feel a sense of powerlessness.

Worrying will do very little to help the situation; it can, in fact, make things much worse. The more a man worries or is anxious about his sexual function, the less he will be able to perform. Because your husband seems to suffer only from a lack of sexual interest rather than an inability to get and maintain an erection, stress and fatigue may be behind his problem.

I always encourage seeing a doctor to rule out any possible medical issues; hormonal imbalance is often to blame for a decrease in sexual desire.

But even if tests reveal that your husband’s hormones are abnormally low, he will still need to figure out the cause for this if he wishes to correct his libido for the long term.

It is very important that your husband knows that he has your support, that he realises you are not judging him, and that you can be patient with him.

Acceptance and unconditional affection can go a long way in helping him to de-stress. You want your man as relaxed and healthy as possible so be sure he is eating healthy meals, getting adequate rest, and not overstressing or overexerting himself.

Lifestyle plays a major role with men, especially as they age. Your man may just need to make adjustments to his daily routine. It may be very helpful that he start by taking some time to step away from whatever and whoever is causing him stress. He may need to recharge his battery, so do not drain him too much by requiring him to have sex often and also that he eliminates, or at least cuts back on, unhealthy eating, alcohol consumption and smoking. After a few weeks of this, he should begin to feel an increase in energy, positive mood, and sexual appetite.

Want relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com