Dear Dr Nekia,

I am dating this woman and, ever since things got serious between us, she keeps telling me what I am doing wrong as a father. It is annoying as hell. I tell her that she is overstepping her bounds and that my son is mine, not hers. She says that as I do not value her opinion I must not care about her too much — I don’t know why she thinks one thing has to do with the other. I care about her but my son has a mother and he doesn’t need another one.

Yes, I am going to make mistakes as a father, but that is life. If I ever have a child with her then fine, she can tell me what to do. But until then, how do I let her know that she needs to mind her business or it is over between us?

Sincerely,

He’s My Son

Dear He’s My Son,

It is understandable that you would grow resentful of a woman who is trying to tell you how to raise your son. However, I am going to play devil’s advocate because there are a few things that you may not be considering.

One, is that because she sees you and your son as being a package, she will try to look out for and care for your son much in the way she does for you. It is not uncommon for two parents of a child to have disagreements regarding how a child should be raised, so one should expect it to be no different with a parent and his or her significant other.

If you and your woman are serious about one another, the lifestyle and parenting choices made for your child will affect her life as well. Therefore, she should have some say in your son’s upbringing. This is especially true if you and your significant other live together and the child visits or resides there.

I know that many will disagree with this. I have encountered countless relationships in which each partner takes care of his or her own children the way that they choose without much input from the other, but this is childish to say the least.

Children are not property or objects to be owned. If your woman is babysitting, fixing meals, grooming, participating in school or extracurricular activities and helping your child out financially, then you should also expect her to be concerned about general decisions regarding the child.

We conveniently and immaturely throw around and emphasise the word “my” as a way of saying back off, yet we judge our partners should they show a lack of interest in our children. If you truly take your relationship with your woman seriously, if you see a future together, and if you want her to invest in the emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing of your son, then you should also prepare yourself to be more open to her suggestions.

Have parenting discussions with her and let her know that she is being heard. Compromise in the areas where you disagree, and should you strongly feel that she is not offering the best solution, let her know that while you appreciate her input, you will choose to do things your way and are prepared to face the consequences should you be wrong.

As you said, all parents make mistakes and it is good if we have someone who can help and, if need be, correct us along the way. In the end, the child is the one who benefits from multiple adults loving him or her, and from insight that could possibly lead to an avoidance of unintended harm.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I was having a discussion with a female friend about the harms of cheating. I feel that it is worse for a woman because it means she has let another man enter her body and, most times, women cannot have sex without emotional connection.

My friend feels it is worse for a man because he enters an intimate part of a woman’s body and gives himself to her. She also feels that women can have sex without emotion. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Who’s the Worse Cheater

Dear Who’s The Worse Cheater,

First of all, women being unable to have sex without emotional attachment is a myth. In most modern western cultures, women have been raised to value relationships more than sex and to express emotion more than their male peers.

We are taught that sex without a relationship is promiscuous and immoral behaviour and there are many unsavoury names for any woman who choose to do so. So we, as women, are pretty much brainwashed into attaching emotion to sex.

The problem is that many women say they do not want the emotion or relationship, but find themselves longing for attachment once sex comes into play. Likewise, there are men who say that they do not want sex with attachment, but then complain about a woman being cold.

In reality, I think that most of us want a little bit of both, even if it is just a casual fling or a friends-with-benefits situation. But no matter how fleeting, sex by its very nature always carries with it some degree of exchange and attachment. It is just whether we focus on that aspect of it that makes all the difference.

Nevertheless, whether it’s worse for a male or female to cheat is an entirely different subject. As you can see from your discussion with your friend, an argument can be made for either side but in reality, neither is worse.

What I do find interesting is that most men who have cheated say that it was just sex, and expect women to understand and get over it while these same men, if cheated on, take the woman’s infidelity to heart.

This has more to do with a double standard fuelled by the territorial and sexist male ego rather than actual facts. I think we all, both males and females, would be better off educating ourselves about sex, being true to our nature, and valuing what we have to offer to another person.

Once we find truth and value in ourselves we will not be so inclined to spread ourselves thin, be more vigilant and discerning about our sexual partners, and more inclined to value faithfulness within our relationships.

• Want relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com