A few things never change on our island; bad parking is one of them. Not just by the public, but also those who drive commercial vehicles.

Some cannot park at all, the ones you always seem to get stuck behind (as they hold up traffic) as they try to reverse in, then go forward and try again. In the end, they give up and drive off at breakneck speed, ducking below the steering wheel in the hope that no one will recognise them.

Then you have those SUVs that, for some reason, seem to be the favourite of our fairer sex. You will often see them struggling to pull themselves into the seat. The same ones that try to fit their gas guzzler into a smaller space than the actual length of their car. You can’t blame them; men have been lying to them about size for decades!

We also have the in-betweeners: the drivers that park their cars in the middle of two parking bays. I mean, who do these people think they are?! What kind of ego must they have to believe they are so important that they must take up two spaces?

Look, I know that some drivers spend a lot of money on keeping their cars looking good, and they don’t want to get them dinged, and that’s fine, but don’t take up two bays of prime real estate! Instead of parking on the ground floor of Bull’s Head, go to the top level where there are fewer cars.

Not all infuriating road users are those with private cars; there are also commercial delivery vans, the ones that pull alongside a completely open loading zone and proceed to double park; while they get out of their truck, pull open the back to unload but then get distracted by checking their mobile phone to see if their honey has called/messaged. All the while, they’ve brought traffic to a complete standstill, causing near-misses as cars try to overtake oncoming traffic. Inconsiderate and lazy, if you ask me!!!

Please don’t stop me now; I’m on a roll!

Don’t get me started on the Corporation of Hamilton picking up trash early in the mornings when the whole of Front Street is wide open for parking. However, they still stop the trash truck in the middle of their lane, not even attempting to pull over to the kerb, and then proceed to collect the bins, roll them to the back of the truck, then return them to the sidewalk. Then they proceed to their next stop to collect more, all while holding up traffic as drivers try to navigate the gauntlet of Front Street.

Now a new member of the parking wars has been added to the mix, the electric rental cars, the matchbox cars, actually not even a car. It’s half a car, so small that if you’re in one, there’s not even enough room to change your mind. But, yes, they will still take up a whole, damn parking bay.

On one particular Saturday, I decided to go to my local watering hole and watch Arsenal win another game. As I drove along Front Street looking for somewhere to park, there must have been five of these pint-sized cars taking up all the good spots. I looked at my watch, I had ten minutes before kick-off. It was raining, and there was nowhere to park. No one would be moving anytime soon. It was time to get serious, so I looked up to the heavens and said, “Lord, if you get me a parking bay, I will stop drinking and go to church every Sunday.” Just then a beam of light shone through the dark clouds, illuminating a prime parking spot right next to the pub. So I quickly said, “Lord never mind, one has just opened up.” I guess for my sins, Arsenal lost that day.

Here endeth my rant!