Change your habits, change your life ...
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What do you do? Why are you coming to Bermuda?
A: I am the founder and CEO of Selfhelpworks, a programme that provides permanent solutions to problems caused by weight gain, alcohol use, stress and smoking by addressing and identifying the emotional root causes of unhealthy lifestyle choices. I was invited to the island by the Argus Group as part of its Wellness Initiative.
What is the basic concept you try to get across? What is it that you offer?
A: The idea is that people are born with the potential to live happy and vital lives and achieve their dreams. When we were little kids we knew what we wanted and how to get it but as we grew older what happened is that we gave away that power as we were influenced by family and friends. Our belief is that (our lives are) a function of the way we think. What we offer is structural, cognitive behavioural training to help people develop a rational, rather than an emotional response to triggers that affect behaviour, thus improving health over the long term. In other words, we change the way people think. We empower people. Our motivational principle is to help them make changes in their lives. And our goal in coming (to Bermuda) is to show people that if they make one change in the way they think, it can make a difference in their lives.
How does that work?
A: What differentiates us is the way we think. It?s basic but people don?t realise their life is an outcome of the way they think. A powerful person becomes that way partly because of the way they think, and as a result, the role they play. Therefore if a person can change the way they think they can change their life.
How do you change the way someone thinks?
A: One of the things I think it?s important for us to recognise is that we?re machines. We don?t operate based on choice at times ? we?re programmed to certain reactions. And one thing we think is important is to get people to operate on conscious choice instead of running into a situation and reacting automatically.
What?s an example of an automatic reaction?
A: The subconscious is powerful. It?s based in experiences. It?s based in emotions. It?s nothing you have a choice about. Take for example a stop sign. If someone were to ask you about its colours, most people would say red and white. It?s nothing you have a choice about. A picture automatically comes up. The same with a yield sign. In 1987 the U.S. changed them from yellow and black to red and white. Yet over 90 per cent of the population over the age of 20 will, to this day, refer to them as yellow and black even though that?s no longer the truth, even though every day they drive by and see them. But when asked that question they answer based on how they were trained when they were little. And so for over 20 years their reality has nothing to do with reality at all. It?s how they were programmed and it affects us all the time whether we?re talking about stop signs or cigarettes or food or alcohol or happiness. It?s all part of programming.
Where did the idea come from?
A: The concept started back in the 70s. I?d taken dozens of communications and sales training courses and became intrigued as to whether people?s behaviours followed the fundamental principles and physical laws of the universe when it came to relationships. I sold my company and started a career as a professional trainer. People loved how (my) training programme taught them to take responsibility for their lives and how to enhance their performance, but the basic patterns that ran people?s lives before they took the programme ran their lives afterward and kept them coming back for refresher courses. It was making a difference but not a permanent one.
How did you fix that?
A: I wrote a new training programme which enabled participants to consistently envision their career objectives and transform relationships tied to key objectives so they would naturally and permanently come to pass. They were able to successfully apply the principles of the course toward other aspects of their lives ? dealing with issues like smoking, weight and exercise. Let?s look again at the yield sign example. I tell you the truth, that the sign is red and white. You don?t believe me and so I send you out and you discover it really is red and white. But you haven?t been retrained. Changing habits is about retraining. So say you visualised for 30 days, say you created a new file folder or a subconscious yield sign that would open red and white instead of yellow. Similarly, our programme is there are beliefs we all have that keep us stuck in our current way of living, negative emotional states that keep us from moving towards our visions in life.
Is the programme successful?
A: We?ve had about 250,000 people go through our programme and we get testimonies from people every day. I?ve been doing it for over 20 years ? it absolutely does transform people?s lives. One of my programmes, Living Free, (became) the most successful smoking cessation course in (America) with many Fortune 500 clients including Hewlett Packard, Teledyne Ryan, and Apple Computer. Over the past 20 years I?ve seen how achieving optimal health and control of mental obstacles are intricately connected. Understanding why a person wants and thinks they need a sugary snack, a cigarette or a couple of drinks at the end of the day is the first step to permanently breaking unhealthy habits and moving towards a healthier life. I believe that by changing the way you think, you?ll be ready to change your life.
And that?s the message the Argus Group has asked you to share with Bermuda?
A: One thing that people know is that diets don?t work. I understand that Bermuda is challenged at the moment with (high rates of obesity and Type II Diabetes). What our purpose is in working for the persons we meet, is not for them to go on a diet. Many people use food as temporary comfort rather than for health, energy and a vigorous life. They don?t look at it as fuel. If they don?t feel good, if they feel sad, they turn to food. Our aim is to change a person?s relationship with food so they can live a leaner life. We programme their machine and it works better. If they follow our simple instructions and implement what we say they will be reprogrammed. We retrain them and consequently their lives change instead of being out of control and eating for emotional reasons.
Does the principal work for all negative relationships? What about a battered wife reluctant to leave her spouse?
A: Emotionally dependant relationships are no different to people addicted to cigarettes, alcohol or chocolate. The set of scripts a person utilises to remain in a relationship ? they develop a false belief that they need (x, y or z) to survive, to be happy. By making them understand that they have an emotional dependency, they can make conscious choices and become an empowered person about their future, their vision and what they want and deserve in their lives. I believe we were not put on this planet to suffer. We as human beings have the potential put in by our manufacturers.
Why would someone stay tied to a negative relationship?
A: There are certain beliefs that keep people stuck in relationships. Our objective is to be able to change the way they think tomorrow morning, to help them to practise thinking a little differently, to be clear on what they want the day to be about so they can begin to change their mind. For example, in the past I always said I didn?t have the time to exercise because I trained myself to believe that and manifested that everyday. We are all machines. We have all trained ourselves to think in certain ways. But it creates the possibility that if we can train ourselves to think in ways that don?t work for us, that we can train ourselves to think in ways that do work for us. So if today someone starts training, if they write down on a cue card that they should exercise and start training themselves to think how they can spend 30 minutes on exercise each day. If they write that on a cue card, get up in the morning and do that for the next 30 days, that is going to happen. If we can get a person to form a new mental habit, from there comes the action. Beliefs effect thought, words effect emotion and emotion leads to action.
How do words effect emotion?
A: I can show people that when you use certain words, this is how they make you feel. If you use words that you feel motivate behaviour you can make steps toward making a permanent change that day. You don?t have to wait for your mind to be retrained totally. As I said, in the past I always believed I didn?t have time to exercise. This morning I got up at 5.30 and went to the gym. It?s now a part of my life. But what most affects us are other people?s words, they?re beliefs that we have adopted and allowed to become a part of us. A child who knocks over something and is told by a parent, ?You?re dumb. You?re sloppy?, thinks, ?Boy am I dumb. Boy am I sloppy?. And it?s who they become. They develop that as a self image. We allow ourselves to be programmed by our environment especially if it is one determined by an authoritative figure, i.e. a parent.
And your programme works for everyone?
A: If they come it can work for them. My belief is that everyone who smokes wants to quit but the thought of quitting creates anxiety and fear and a negative emotion. If they don?t want to allow themselves to feel that fear, they probably won?t come.
Before someone decides to participate in a programme like this, they?re their own machine, accessing thoughts and beliefs that create complacency and (tie them to a life as a) couch potato. But if someone can create the possibility of being free (from that life) in a short period of time and if it can be conveyed as a positive experience, they might come. And once they do, our job is to move them to the next level. Words are powerful.
They can be used to help them access what they want and deserve. They can help them think about possibilities and move in a positive direction. If they don?t want to change no, it won?t work. But if in their heart of hearts they do, we will help them. Complacency and happiness ? both are habits, both come from thinking certain ways. If you can give a person a different way of thinking or the possibility of a different way of thinking, then yes, they?ll see results.