CRUISE ship passengers who think they are above Bermuda law are the Major Irritants of the week.

Friday's Royal Gazette was full of cruise ship visitors being fined $1,000 for cannabis importation. Defence lawyers - swept off their feet by all the extra work the cruise ships have brought in for them - complained that Bermuda is being too hard on the poor, sunburned dears.

All I can say is more power to the police and the magistrates. Why do these people think the laws of Bermuda do not apply to themselves? If the laws say no cannabis, then, no cannabis. No, not even a little bit. No, not even for that bad back of yours. If the laws aren't right, it's up to Bermudians not American tourists to challenge them.

A $1,000 fine is a light sentence. In some countries tourists who break the law are given jail time or required to offer body parts as payment for their misdeeds.

Why is it such a surprise that cannabis and other drugs are illegal in Bermuda?

Aren't these drugs are illegal in most parts of the world including the country the tourists came from?

Finally, Bermuda has found a way to wrench some money out of miserly cruise ship passengers. Why shouldn't we profit from their stupidity and arrogance? What we squeeze from them in drug fines is probably worth more than they would spend on T-shirts and tea mugs on Front Street.

Sure, they bought small amounts this time, how much will they bring next time? One visitor who wound up in court said she had been here "17 times already". Presumably, she means she's been here 17 times before with drugs and never been caught before.

If the complaining defence lawyers want Bermuda to be the next Amsterdam then they should be campaigning to change locals laws, not advocating that Bermuda look the other way when people break the laws.

I know what people will say, these tourists aren't hurting anyone. I disagree. Have you seen the way these visitors drive mopeds when they're sober? Now add drugs to the equation. Come to think of it, maybe drugs are the problem.

They can't even ride down the South Shore without hitting something or falling off. This morning I was riding down Front Street on my scooter when two sets of tourists on rentals came to a meandering halt in the middle of the road.

They weren't trying to turn. I don't know what they were doing, but I couldn't overtake them for fear that they would ram me from behind (as happened to my husband last week). I couldn't ride next to them because their bikes drifted from one side of the road to the other.

Meanwhile, there was a car and a bus directly behind us. Eventually, they found their accelerators again and were off. I've seen so many accidents involving tourists that rental cycles automatically make my blood run cold.

It reminds me of an article in TheRoyal Gazette a few months ago, where a tourist complained that he was badly treated by other motorists after he flipped them the bird.

He was compelled to erect the digital bird, because the Bermudians on the road were "yelling stuff" at him. What they were probably shouting were helpful hints like: "Use your brakes, not your feet!" or "Indicate! Indicate!"

And they were probably making that hissing noise Bermudians make whenever they spot a tourist on a moped. "Sssss . . . no, not the accelerator! Look out! Ssss . . . oh, no, a corner, he's gonna crash. Sssssss . . . he's gonna crash!"

If I'm a passenger in the car behind one of these bikes I usually put my hands over my eyes at this point. The last time I saw a tourist go skidding down the road on his face, the image stuck in my mind for weeks.

Apparently, after this guy flipped the bird at passing motorists, he was surprised when they chased him down to give him a piece of their minds. Quite frankly, I think this guy had nerve to go to the newspapers and complain. You poor snivelling thing. You mean, you weren't making an obscene gesture with that finger after all. You had an accident when you were born and your finger is permanently fixed that way . . . Yeah, right.

Bermuda has a right to demand that visitors respect the island's laws. The laws aren't so wacky. They're very similar to laws in the United States, Canada and England. If you are in the United States, you are certainly expected to obey the laws there. If you are a tourist in America and you park in the wrong place, you still have to pay the fine.

No American defence lawyer jumps up and says: "Your honour, we're being too hard on these Bermudian visitors. We really need their money down at the Cambridge Side Galleria mall."

And if you drive too fast, "Sorry officer, I'm a Bermudian. I didn't know there were speed laws in America," will get you a free trip down to the local jail, and possibly a long wait while authorities compare your photo to world terrorism suspects.

Bermudians should be their usual friendly selves, but there is no reason to grovel. When in Rome, act like the Romans, otherwise don't be surprised when you get thrown to the lions.