WE had a pretty interesting journey back from Steamboat to Bermuda and, thank God, we had an overnight stop in Atlanta to get the jangling nerves back in order. The airport at Steamboat must be not dissimilar to that of one in Uzbekistan in the fact that it is definitely utilitarian and Third World.

Doris and I spent quite a fair amount of time lying on the floor as all the available seating had been gone hours before. To actually find some floor space was a minor coup in and of itself ? it was like trying to find a deckchair on a beach in Marbella in the middle of the summer.

We had anticipated doing some major mall shopping upon arrival in Atlanta but as the cocktail hour had long approached when we finally touched down we decided to check in, forget shopping for once and carry on as we had started out. The Great Weston in Atlanta isn't too bad as far as airport hotels go if you can bear the smell of major fumigation in your boudoir. M and I shared a room and, upon entering, we both thought that we were going to pass out. Obviously the last occupants hadn't changed their socks for at least a year and in the meantime guests had, from the aroma of things, been smoking huge reefers and also hadn't been housetrained either; that's how bad it was.

Otherwise everything was just fine and we wined and dined as though it was The Last Supper, which I suppose in some ways it was. We were all really quite sad to be coming home only because we had been on such a great adventure and, more than anything else, a wonderful form of escapism which I find is essential at this time of year ? especially after the ghastly weather that has been haunting Bermuda for the last few months.

It appeared that most people on the flight from Atlanta were locals with, unfortunately, nary a tourist in sight. I managed to catch up with a few old mates who I had not seen for ages, which always seems to be the way at airports ? Bermudians are everywhere! Yet again this was another tedious journey due to the discovery of a fuel leak after we had already boarded and made ourselves comfortable. So we had to de-plane, sit around and wait and then get on another plane. Better all round I suppose than discovering the leak when we were mid-air ? not a pleasant thought!

One very prominent Bermudian businessman who we recognised was seated in front of us along with his young son. This man is quite a serious chap and to hear him chatting in such an animated fashion with his boy came as quite a surprise. We then became weak at the knees with laughter when we overheard the child say to his Father in earnest, "Dad which would you rather be if you had a choice, a wood louse or a cockroach?" Dad, of course, is used to making major corporate decisions at the highest possible level but this one really had him stumped for a few minutes. Finally after much pondering and deliberation he replied that he'd rather be a cockroach!

I nearly had to stuff a sock in my mouth to stop my hysteria from becoming too vocal. I wanted M to go up to him at the end of the journey and say to him: "You know, I've been looking at the back of your head for the last three hours and the funniest thing has happened, you've started to grow 'feelers' and I think that you're turning into the six-foot-tall insect in Kafka's !"

As he didn't know that we'd overheard the conversation I think that his reaction could have been quite amusing. But M chickened out at the last moment so we'll never know.

Talking of amusing experiences (well, I'm not sure whether it could be considered amusing; perhaps strange is a better word) I had one yesterday outside the Supermart. I was crossing the road by the traffic lights, my mind a million miles away and not looking where I was going. As a result I collided with a woman crossing in the opposite direction. I picked myself up and apologised profusely for having knocked her over.

She was a woman of about my age, I should think, and looked normal in every way ? apart from the fact that she had a goatee beard, which she had tied in a knot and threaded with a brightly coloured bead. My God, this was a fashion statement the likes of which I don't think that I have ever witnessed before in my life (nor, I think, has it yet made the pages of ). If that had been me I think I would have considered wearing a yashmak but not this girl ? she had a "bird" and she was proud of it!

I know that at a certain age us poor girlies have to put up with the fact that hair from certain parts of our anatomy disappears and transplants itself onto that wrinkly old face (just another huge bonus to add to the ageing process! and I guess this was just a cheaper alternative to electrolysis. Please, please promise me though, if I ever end up in a coma or I've gone completely ga-ga, come and visit me with a huge pair of tweezers!

Who knows? Maybe this trend will catch on. We might all find ourselves buying lovely diamante beads or brightly coloured ribbons to match our outfits and tying up our facial hair in all manner of gorgeous creations, all of us trying to outdo each other! That's something to think about....

Next week I shall be reporting to you from the fabulous island of St. Barts (that's if I'm not having too much fun). I have been invited to the wedding ? all expenses paid! ? of some very good friends. Apparently it is going too be a week of celebrations the likes of which I for one have probably never experienced. I know from people who have been there that it is paradise on earth with restaurants of the highest possible calibre.

I have been eating Lean Cuisines for the last week in the desperate attempt of diminishing that four-month-pregnancy-look that I seem to have acquired over recent months. I am not relishing the thought of having to strip off and parade myself in my bathing suit in front of all those nubile, young celebrities who apparently frequent the island . Never mind, I shall make the best of a bad body situation and hold my head up high. I have splurged on a beautiful new outfit to wear on the day along with one of those amazing new body girdle things that you get from Gibbons Company (what lifesavers those are and would also make a great gift for the man in your life).

My outfit is in varying shades of blue and aqua and who knows maybe I'll just go back to Gibbons Company and get some lovely cobalt blue ribbons to use as facial accessories!

During my recent travels I have had masses of time to catch up on my magazine reading and search out some good recipes. There was one section in that caught my eye as it gave lots of ideas for using left over rice. I am sure that we are all the same when cooking rice; we always make way too much and usually in my case I make enough to feed most of China. I liked the sound of these recipes so much that I think I'll just cook some rice anyway and make them without waiting for a surplus. See what you think.

1 cup cold, unsalted cooked rice, 1 1/2 cups milk, 3/4 cup water, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces, 5 large egg yolks, separated, 1 garlic clove, crushed, 2-ounces finely grated Parmesan, 3 tablespoons minced fresh chives, 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper Put oven rack in the centre of a preheated 350-degree oven. Butter a 9 1/2-inch deep-dish pie plate. Simmer rice, milk, water and salt uncovered in a 3-quart heavy saucepan over a low heat, stirring frequently until very thick, about 20 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in butter, egg yolks, garlic and cheese. Transfer to a large bowl and allow to cool to room temperature, and then stir in the chives and pepper. Beat the egg whites with a pinch of salt at high speed until they form soft peaks. Fold into the rice mixture, pour into the pie plate and bake until golden brown and just set, 20-25 minutes.

3 scallions, finely chopped, 1 carrot finely chopped, 1 rib of celery, finely chopped, 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped, 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves, 3/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon fresh black pepper, 5 tablespoons olive oil, 2 cups unsalted rice at room temperature, 2 large eggs, lightly beaten, 1 cup fresh breadcrumbs Cook scallions, celery, carrot, garlic, thyme, salt and pepper in 2 tablespoons oil in a non-stick skillet over a medium heat until the carrot is soft, about 8 minutes. Stir together rice, eggs, breadcrumbs and vegetables in a bowl. Form into 8 (2 1/2 - by 1/2-inch) patties, pressing mixture so cakes will hold together (mixture will be loose). Transfer to wax paper as formed. Cook 4 rice cakes in 2 tablespoons oil in skillet over a medium to high heat, gently turning over once, until browned, about 7 minutes total. Transfer to a plate to keep warm, loosely covering with foil. Cook the rest of the cakes in the remaining tablespoon of oil.

1 cup cold unsalted cooked rice, 1 cup small curd cottage cheese, 4 large eggs, 1/3 cup whole wheat flour, 2 tablespoons sugar, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted Stir together the first seven ingredients and 3 tablespoons of the butter in a bowl and let stand for 5 minutes. Lightly coat a 12-inch non-stick skillet with some of the remaining butter and heat over a moderately high heat until hot but not smoking. Working in batches of 3 or 4, pour a scant 1/4 cup of batter per pancake into the skillet and saut?, turning once until pancakes are golden brown but still slightly soft, 4-5 minutes per batch, adding more butter if needed. Serve with maple syrup.