Hector has long been perturbed about the ever-increasing number of cars on Bermuda?s roads and frequently curses the difficulty of finding a parking space for even his humble scooter on work days. Now it seems, the Island?s parking problems are kicking in before commuters so much as set foot on solid ground. Witness the passenger announcement made by an apologetic American pilot as his jet taxied on the runway after touching down from Washington last week. ?Welcome to Bermuda folks. Er ... it seems there?s nowhere to park.?

?Double entendre of the week? award must go to Telecommunications Minister Michael Scott, standing in for Randy Horton during the debate on sexual offences. Having finished outlining the punishments for virtually every kind of kinky and deviant behaviour, Mr. Scott declared sternly: ?As long as we?re careful there will be no slipping through the cracks.? Hector frantically tried to smother his laughter at the unfortunate choice of words ? and then spied Government Party Whip Ottiwell Simmons chuckling away himself while the Minister ploughed on oblivious.

Despite having great legs Hector has never been a big fan of Bermuda shorts ? at least not combined with the long socks and tie for those trying to perfect the schoolboy look despite being well into middle age or beyond. But it seems some of our friends across the pond are even less enamoured of them with news that the mayor of Bay St. Louis is now wearing them as a protest.

Eddie Favre says he will stop wearing them when the Hurricane Katrina-hit city is back on its feet. Mr. Favre appeared with President Bush recently wearing Bermuda shorts with a tuxedo. But the mayor welcomed the attention saying: ?Until you make us whole, I?m wearing short pants. Somebody is going to get stuck with these ugly legs.? Fashion as punishment. It could catch on.

Readers wondering whether jet-setting footy fan David Hancock made Friday?s Shaun Goater send-off in time can rest assured. David, the only Southend United supporter to fly from the UK to catch the match, redefined the phrase ?cutting it fine? when he drew up his Bermuda travel itinerary. His flight was due to arrive on the Island at 6.20 p.m on the night of the game ? and kick-off was scheduled for 7.30 p.m.

Problems started when David?s plane was delayed 40 minutes out of London. It finally touched down on the Island at 7 p.m. and ? after clearing that pesky Customs queue ? David darted into a cab, festooned in two scarves and draped in a large flag... despite the 90 degree heat.

He said his shocked driver expressed ?amazement? at his momentous Goater pilgrimage, before dropping him outside the ground at 7.40 p.m. Luckily, David didn?t miss any of the action ? kick-off was put back to 7.50 p.m. ? and he said he was personally thanked by The Goat after the game.

After a night on the tiles helped stave off any tiredness, dedicated David caught the England/Portugal game in the South Shore Swizzle ? clearly undeterred by the recent ride-by shooting outside the venue ? before hopping on a plane back to the UK, via Washington DC. Back at work on Monday morning and with more than 6,000 miles under his belt, the Southend fanatic maintains it was all worth the effort. ?Was it worth it? Yes it was,? David told Hector, who to be honest, is feeling jet-lagged just writing about the globe-trotting football fanatic.

Hector never ceases to be amazed, and indeed irritated, by the amount of people who hide behind pedantry in order not to concede a point. The latest case occurred after the Monday bus strike that left commuters and tourists stranded across the Island. An angry driver shouted at the reporter covering their Tuesday union meeting ? incensed that this newspaper wrote that drivers had ?walked off the job?.

What could he mean?, wondered the hack. Were there some buses on the road in defiance of the strike? No, of course not. ?We didn?t walk off the job. We didn?t walk out of the gate,? clarified the driver. Indeed, he stated the drivers were still hard at work at PTB headquarters ? discussing their grievance against the management. Hector is sure that this news will be a great comfort to those left waiting in vain in the searing heat for a ride home.

Plain old point-scoring rather than pedantry was the problem during a heated Senate exchange about crime in Bermuda in the wake of the South Shore shooting. The debate quickly descended into an apparent contest to see which politician lived nearest the scene. Senator Gina Spence Farmer, due to stand for the UBP in the Warwick North East seat, got the ball rolling with a warning about residents in the parish needing to be protected from what she called a rising tide of gang violence.

Then PLP Sen. Neville Tyrrell chirped up. He?d lived in Warwick for three decades, he said, and he certainly didn?t feel unsafe. But that seemed to infuriate another Warwick resident, Sen. Bob Richards, who stormed: ?I live in that area. My house was in earshot of those shots. I can see that restaurant (The Swizzle) from my house. My neighbours heard the shots from that particular crime.?

He later revealed the crime happened 200 yards from his house before the increasingly acrimonious round of pointless point-scoring ground to a halt, leaving Hector disappointed that another politician didn?t join the debate on the grounds that they had been knocking back rum swizzles in the pub when the bullets were fired and had been hit by dust thrown up from ricochets. They need to remember there is such a thing as trying too hard.

Hector wonders if Hamilton mayor Jay Bluck realises just how much of an uphill struggle his proposed new team of city traffic enforcers could face? Just weeks ago, in these very pages, Mr. Bluck stormed: ?Double parking causes a major problem as it jams up the traffic, but without any Police in the city on the streets, people double-park with impunity ... we think this may be an interim solution between having no policing and getting Police on the streets. We would have the officers on almost every block so that people would not be able to stop their car in the middle of the road while they run to the ATM. I?d say ?stick a ticket on them.?

Spotted by Hector at 7 p.m. on Tuesday: One car full of Police officers, parked on double yellow lines with its lights flashing, outside the Bank of Bermuda in Front Street. Not dealing with a heinous crime, but waiting for one of the occupants to ? you?ve guessed it ? run to the ATM. ?Stick a ticket on ?em? indeed.