Trespassers beware

May 1, 2010

Dear Sir,

This (if I may) is addressed to the foul-mouthed, athletically-attired and vicious-minded white female trespasser who was walking her dog in a northerly direction on the privately-owned road known as Grape Bay Drive in Paget earlier today, Saturday May 1, at around 8.45 a.m., who threatened repeatedly to set her fierce animal on me. Please know that if I ever see you again, whether on Grape Bay Drive or anywhere else, or if your identity should ever come to my attention, I will take vigorous steps with a view to your being arrested and charged with assault, trespass and use of grossly offensive language.

As a reminder to the public, may I please take this opportunity to point out that Grape Bay Drive in Paget is a private road, to which the public has no general right of access, whether on foot or by vehicle. Whilst writing, I would also point out that the only portion of Grape Bay Beach which the public may use is that portion of the beach that lies below the average high-water line; that portion (underwater for much of the day) being technically an extension of the sea-bottom and thus (unlike the rest of the beach) not privately owned. Members of the public wishing to avail themselves of that modest 'public' portion of Grape Bay Beach should plan to come by water, presumably at a lowish tide, and make their exit in a similar manner.

Thank you for the courtesy of allowing me space in your newspaper.

JONATHAN LAND EVANS

Barrister-and-attorney

Paget