To my fellow Bermudians, I am a proud Christian woman and I am looking forward to attending Bermuda’s first Pride parade on August 31, 2019!

But how can this be?

Some may get the erroneous idea that Christians in Bermuda dislike gay people and believe them to be an abomination. But I want to stress, this is certainly not the case for all of us.

To me, Christianity is about love. The love that Jesus has for us, and the love we should have for all of mankind. After all, Jesus himself said that the two greatest commandments are to love the Lord with all your heart and soul, and love your neighbour as yourself (Matthew 22: 36-40).

As far as I am aware, gay people still fall into the “all of mankind” bracket. They are our neighbours, our co-workers, our uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, friends and even some of you reading this! Now tell me, since Jesus is pretty much the head honcho of Christianity, why do we purposefully and actively disobey one of His two greatest commandments! That’s a failing grade right there!

But the Bible says homosexuality is an abomination, I hear you cry. That’s cool, but if we are going to follow one rule, then we should follow all of them. This is not a buffet; you can’t just pick and choose! So before you decide to head out to protest the Pride parade and all it stands for, let us look at some of these rules we’ve been slack on.

All of you on your second, third, fourth marriages and your exes are still alive and kickin’, you’re a sinner according to the Bible (Mark 10: 11-12 & Luke 16:18)! Best make sure your exes are full dead before walking down that aisle again!

Proverbs 23: 20-21 and 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 implore that we as Christians must not drink too much wine, gorge ourselves on food and to treat our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. Let’s be straight (pun intended), there are a lot of people on this island, Christians included, who are overweight or obese and that temple has long ago crumbled!

Take a close look at yourself, do you see the temple the Bible is referring to? I’m not going to even bother touching the drinking part! Oh, and speaking of the temple, you and I better get rid of those piercings and tattoos asap!

This next one will be tough for all of us, especially me! Leviticus 11:9-10 basically says that any shellfish is off limits. So, no lobster, shrimp, crab, mussels, clams, scallops (basically no Lobster Pot!).

Leviticus 15: 19-20: “When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening. Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean.”

Damn, my whole house is unclean then!

Let’s look at a few others and see how many sinner points we can rack up together.

1 Corinthians 14:34-35: “Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.”

In other words, shut up ladies while you’re in church! Oh, and wives, make sure you obey your husband and submit to him as he is the head (Ephesians 5: 24). Be certain to get your husband’s permission next time you want to speak in church, go on a girls’ trip, start a business, go to the gym, go for brunch, etc. And if he says no, well that’s tough, sit down where he tells you and be quiet. And for those of you who are unmarried, just substitute husband for father, you ain’t getting off scot free!

Exodus 21:17: “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.” (Funeral homes will be busy this week!)

I could go on, but I’m sure by now you get the gist. The Bible says in James 2:10, that all sins are equal. So, you want to continue calling homosexuals abominations and saying that they are going to hell, well you and your lobster-eating self will be joining them in hell.

So perhaps, instead of protesting and admonishing two men or two women who love each other, let’s look at fixing what is wrong with our island, the things we should actually be protesting!

To the Christians who believe that gay marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage, can I ask, where exactly is this sanctity? Is it with your secret lover, in your eyes as you lust after your co-worker or perhaps in your fingertips as you scroll through Tinder?

Hopefully, at the end of this rant, some of you, will be marching in the Pride parade with me, as proud Christians united by love and not hate.

The Jesus I know loves everyone, and the main thing he asks of us is to love the Lord and love our neighbours. That’s it! We are so lucky that Jesus does not take the same approach to us as we do to gay people on this island.

There are many things in life that we cannot choose. You cannot choose your race, your family, whom you love, and you definitely can’t “pray the gay away”! But we can choose whether to hate our neighbours. You don’t have to agree or like the fact that two men want to get married and have a family, but if you are truly a Christian, you will still love them and show them the same love Jesus has shown all of us.

Hopefully, I will see you at the parade with messages of love, good vibes and unity.

For those of you who still feel the need to protest against love and unity, I want to give you the heads up that the parade time and destination has changed. It will now be held on February 30, 2020 in Siberia. Bring your coat.

PS, to all who have read this and say I’m going to hell, well the joke’s on you, I like the heat.

Disclaimer: The following piece is strictly my own opinion. I do not speak on behalf of the Church or Bermuda Pride.