This is the first part of a four- part composite case series:

1. Coping with Life Changes

2. Settling up: Facing Financial Reality

3. A New Beginning; Life can still be good

4. Tradition is Out: You must plan for your future now, Man or No Man

Suddenly single. This item was taken from a real self-help Internet website for mature individuals – no name or site for confidentiality.

"I am going for my first job interview and I need all the luck I can get. I have not had a real paying job for 32 years. I did a lot of volunteering while my husband was alive and we raised great children. This is so nerve wracking, but I have to make a living now."

She is 52 years old, and a recent widow. After a lengthy battle with multiple strokes, and the challenges that accompanied rehabilitation, he was getting better. His mood had improved; they were thinking about planning a cruise with disability access. Then, she found him in the morning – his soul long gone.

She never worked outside the home after they married; they planned it that way feeling back then it was the right thing to do. She is unsure whether his pensions will revert to her, or even if their dwindling resources will care for her in longevity. She contemplates getting a job of some sort just to be in contact with people each day, and to pay for heath insurance. That – she knows she no longer has that; his old firm wasted no time terminating her coverage when he passed away. But, mostly for parts of each day, she just feels overwhelmed and completely alone.

This is just the beginning of financial assessments. When the incredibly difficult and sad life event of losing a spouse (or a partner in a long-term relationship) happens, it sets off a series of necessary events that are inevitable, insistent, and time-sensitive.

In far too many cases, the remaining partner must simultaneously grieve, while swinging into full survivorship mode. Significant cash has to be located almost immediately to pay every day bills, arrange funeral and memorial services, and secure some sort of a budget to last through the time to settle the estate. that may sound simple in concept, but it is often very difficult to do.

Women still are at a terrible disadvantage when losing a partner, whether through divorce or death. They are vulnerable, they are afraid of making mistakes in sorting out the mess left behind. We all talk about leaving our finances in great order, but generally, even with the best of well-intended plans; there are issues that arise that were not anticipated If the estate is above certain thresholds, depending upon where the assets are situated and how they were structured, probate filing can be a lengthy tedious, and expensive process that seems at some point to go on forever. Bermuda is no exception. Assets held in multiple jurisdictions may exacerbate the complexity. Recent estate filings in the United States, even where probate was not necessary because the estate was small and all assets were jointly held with a survivor, took in excess of three years to close with US Internal Revenue Service. We live in a "supposedly" no tax jurisdiction, but this is not the case when sorting out death stamp duty, legal fees and probate costs.

Coping with the sense of loss: Whenever a relationship becomes just one, our perspective becomes terribly skewed: You may have difficulty in sleeping, lack of companionship, financial decisions made jointly has now left the survivor feeling unable to make any choices. Emotional burnout leaves the individual sapped and drained of energy. Lack of investment knowledge and afraid to trust anyone often results in impetuous ill-considered decisions, just to make events happen.

For widows, the emotional burden may be harder if she is now the sole matriarch of the family, the one to whom all go to for solutions Much of the fear of making bad choices is still passed down from our mothers' generation. Back then, women either were not allowed to make financial decisions or were never taught how.

In many households, this protectionism carried over; these ladies did not even know how to drive a car. They were provided with a little cheque book and a monthly allowance, totally dependent upon the largesse of the male provider of the household.

This is not to say this statement is reflective of men or male earning power. This was an acceptable way of life back then, where not only did the men make all the financial decisions in the family, but also passed on all assets of the joint family to the oldest son, an archaic English common law practice that existed far longer than it ever should have!

Compared to today with the instant Internet, there was little access to investment knowledge in any way shape, or form. Add to that the isolation of Bermuda at that time, these genteel ladies knew little. Yet when the life events happened, as they still do today where women live far longer than our men, they were able to adjust, survive and sometimes thrive, because they had to. A generous support system was a big contributor to return to normalcy – if being a permanent widow is ever normal – along with an indominatable will to not succumb to depression, financial disaster and poverty.

How did they do it? Just the way that we would step back and gather our resources together today with one exception. Women are now advised that giving up their careers to stay at home will place their retirement security in great jeopardy. We should know. Our grandmother was widowed for 45 years. My greatest memory of her is as a seamstress, still working at age 85.

Next week: Settling up and facing financial reality.

Martha Harris Myron CPA -NH1929, CFP® -67184 is a senior wealth manager at Argus Financial Ltd., specialising in comprehensive financial solutions and investment advisory services for individual private clients and their families, business owners, endowments and trusts. DirectLine: 294 5709 Email can be sent to marthamyron[AT]northrock.bm The article expresses the opinion of the author alone. Under no circumstances is the content of this article to be taken as specific individual investment advice.