This is the cry of the frustrated. Join me in a whining session. Anyone who has owned a computer has been there, done that. Ever had a bad computer week? Whenever I hear a sustained burst of swearing around the office, or a banging of desks, or the gnashing of teeth I can usually figure out someone's mad at a computer. Then the eternal cry goes out: `Why doesn't this $%*! computer work?` Indeed.

Actually, cynical guy that I am, I might as well turn the question around: Ever had a week when you haven't had a problem with your computer? The computer industry is the only one I know that consistently gets away with producing machines and software that gives consumers many problems. Machines that don't work the way they're supposed to. Hard to understand and poorly written instructions that require the purchaser to go out and buy high-priced books to interpret properly. Software that crashes or that is so full of glitches you need to patch them up with other pieces of software. And the consumer takes it all and eagerly shells out loads more cash for the next incremental step up.

What we need is a consumer rebellion to tell the industry what we think about the stuff they're shoving down our throats. Because most of the time computers befuddle us, we seem quite willing to put up with all the nonsense. And the industry is quite willing to perpetuate the myth we have to accept a certain amount of faultiness in the equipment and software we're buying.

Yet if we received toasters or televisions that gave us so much trouble we'd return them in droves and drive the companies back into the holes where they belong. What we need is a computer age Ralph Nadar -- whose book exposed the deadly practices of the automobile industry and was credited with starting a consumer revolution.

To misquote the nursery rhyme: When computers are bad, they're horrid. Why is it then I still love my computer so? Perhaps all the bugs we see in programs such as Microsoft's Internet Explorer is due to the domination of one company in the industry. I switched from being a Apple Macintosh user to a Microsoft Windows 95 operating system user about six months ago when I bought my first laptop.

I've tried and I've tried, but ladies and gentlemen, Microsoft just doesn't cut it in comparison. It's an irony of capitalism that the best company didn't win. I still can't understand why we put up with such a difficult to operate system where, for example, you really don't quite know where some of the files have been stored. It's opaque.

Past experience has shown companies in a monopoly or near monopoly situation generally are not motivated to improve their products since consumers will buy them any way. That's why US state authorities are willing to hold up the much heralded release of Windows 98, which might soon become Windows 99 if Microsoft doesn't comply. Windows 98 is the successor to the company's Windows 95, the operating system in most computers.

Last week about 13 of the states indicated they were poised to bring anti-trust suits against Microsoft. US Justice Department is considering bringing its own suit against the company thereby blocking the release of Windows 98 on May 15.

The anti-trust authorities say the company has bundled its Internet Explorer browser into the Windows 98 system, unfairly giving the company leverage into the browser and Internet markets. The lawsuit will accuse Microsoft of using anti-competitive methods to protect its monopoly. In a joint letter to the US government computer makers Compaq Computer Corp., Hewlett-Packard Co., Intel Corp. said the delay would hurt consumers and the economy.

I think the opposite would be true. Consumers could possibly be hurt if Microsoft is allowed to continue on its merry ways. I like the quote by New York Attorney General Dennis Vacco who told Bloomberg news: "Ford manufactured one car, one colour, for a long time. It was competition and the threat of competition that forced them to change their ways ...to improve their products.'' Meanwhile, European and US regulators are concerned about the formation of another monopoly that could dominate the Internet. They are looking closely at WorldCom's Inc.'s planned purchase of MCI Communications Corp. The upstart telecommunications company has launched itself into a dominating position with a series of huge buyouts over the past year. The regulators might require the company to sell some of its other business interests before they'll approve the MCI purchase.

With all the bugs and problems no wonder then that a survey by International Data Corporation reveals that 65 percent of US households don't own a computer. Fear of computing, worry over obsolescence and high prices were cited as the key reasons for not joining the computer age.

To end this diatribe here's a joke passed on by The Daily Telegraph which pokes fun at the typical meeting of customer and propellorhead: Conversation at a restaurant where waiter is a former PC consultant: Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

Waiter: Try the soup again. Maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Customer: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup? Try eating it with a fork.

Customer: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Is the soup incompatible with the bowl? What sort of bowl are you using? Customer: A soup bowl.

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem... Tech Tattle is a column about technology issues. If you have any suggestions please call Ahmed at 295-5881, or 238-3854.