Is the Year 2000 problem a conspiracy by smart software developers to guarantee themselves higher paying jobs into the next century? Well they've done a good job putting a bug up everyone's millennium.

I just won't be able to party thinking about planes crashing down from the sky, oil tankers running aground, nuclear reactors going Chernobyl, lights shutting off, cars stalling, not to mention my bank account disappearing into computer gigabyte land as computers start mistaking year 2000 as year 1900.

The last disaster scenario about my bank account won't be much of a loss because I plan to spend all my money before then on new upgrades to my upgrade, another conspiracy.

Apparently the whole world's going to crash because programmers decided to leave out `19' when coding instructions for years. Not enough memory in the computer to write 1900, 1901.. .they decided. All the other geeks thought it was a good idea. We'll get those suits they said. We'll bide our time and take over the world. Just you wait and see.

Now you can't even find one of them. They've all become consultants. They're sitting away in plush offices being begged by quailing executives to fix the bug before their businesses start reverting to the Victorian age. Some are commanding salaries in the six-figure range. And the demand is increasing on for their services as the century ticks down and panic sets in. Ah, they say, there's the code I stuck in just for fun back in 1965. Delete that and stick in the next bug.

Damn, what made me decide to become a hack? Quote of the millennium: Commenting in The Economist magazine on the estimates of anywhere between $3.6 trillion and $52 billion it would cost to fix the Year 2000 bug, David Starr, chief information officer of the Reader's Digest Association calls the hype over the problem "the biggest fraud perpetrated by consultants on the business community since re-engineering''.

Beware when you're shopping for a new computer you don't buy one that's not Year 2000 ready. Computer firms are only now getting around to addressing the problem for desktop computers. While it shouldn't be a major problem getting software upgrades, why go through the hassle when you don't have to? About half the computers being sold can't tell the difference between 1900 and 2000, according to Bloomberg business news. Compact Computer Corp., the largest seller of personal computers in the US, only announced this month it will now guarantee the machines currently on the market will be able to handle dates in the next century.

So ask your computer salesperson when you go shopping. Be tough, and if they seem hesitant don't be afraid to get a written guarantee. They may not know.

Compaq is getting NSTL, an independent testing organisation to verify all its personal computers for Year 2000 readiness, and these will carry a logo. Don't forget, the Year 2000 problem also affects software programs. Check those as well before you buy.

The need for ever higher capacity storage systems has led to the development of the HiFD, a new 3.5-inch floppy disk that can store 200 megabytes of information.

Current 3.5-inch floppies have a capacity of 1.44 megabytes. The HiFD will also be able to store information at 3.6 megabytes per second, compared to 0.06 megabytes per second on the 1.44 megabyte version. Sony Corp. and Fuji Photo Film Co., the firms which jointly developed the new floppy, plan on releasing the disk next year.

SyQuest Technology Inc. has also announced it will release a 1 gigabyte (1000 megabytes) removable disk drive, a scaled-down version of the company's 1.5-gigabyte product.

The company is releasing the new version at a scaled down price of about $200 in the US, making it more affordable for consumers. The product will compete with Iomega's Corp.'s 100-megabyte Zip and 1.0-gigabyte Jaz removable drives.

Circuit City Stores in the US is developing a new way to charge for rented movies. The company is creating Digital Video Express (Divx), a competing version of the new recorded-movie disk (DVD). This will allow a new way to levy a charge on movies digitalised on disks.

DVD offers the best picture quality on television now available. DVD players went on sale this year for up to $1,000 in the US. According to the New York Times, when the new standard is introduced consumers would be able to buy a Divx disk for $5, and play it on a Divx-enabled DVD player.

The consumer would have up to 48 hours to watch the movie. For more showings the Divx player, which would be connected to a telephone line, would send billing information to a central computer.

For those who are sticklers for time you can now buy the "most accurate clock on Earth'' from Comtrad Industries of Midlothian, Virginia. The Acron Atomic Clock at about $100 in the US displays the "precise time'' to within a billionth of a second.

"Every morning at 1:00 a.m., this `smart' clock tunes in to the radio time signal emitted by the US Atomic Clock in Colorado and automatically resets itself to the exact hour, minute and second,'' according to an advertisement in The New York Times. "The US Atomic Clock is accurate to ten billionths of a second per day. Using molecular technology, it measures the vibration rate of atoms -- a constant -- to calibrate time.'' Now I'll always be on time with the Universe.

Here's another Dick Tracy-type watch. Seiko has come up with a combination pager and watch for about $120 in the US. The Messagewatch is a wrist watch which has a pager. It has its own phone number. It will also tell you when you've received new messages to a personal voice mail.

Tech Tattle is a weekly column which focuses on technological developments and computer industry issues. If you have any ideas for topics or a business you would like to discuss, please call me at 295-5881, ext. 248, or at home 238-3854.