Competition in the telecommunications business has sparked a slanging match, with both gunslingers shooting from the lips so as to convince residents they're wearing the white hat. Barging though the saloon door is newcomer TeleBermuda International Ltd., which has come to challenge Cable & Wireless dominance in town. Both claim they have the best technology.

The greenhorn has put in a modern fibre-optic cable connecting the town to the rest of the world, one he claims will solve all their problems. Previously all the town had was the pro, who keeps them well connected but for what they believe is an expensive price.

Meanwhile the pro looks around the bar and sees some suspicious faces. When he was the lone gun in town, he was respected. He could take his cut on any deal.

The greenhorn's offer of 15 percent discount on long distance calls has pulled some so-called pals over to the other side. The pro decides he'd better be nicer to people, a lot nicer.

The pro offers to make a temporary reduction in rates for Thanksgiving. The company is also applying to offer other permanent discounts. The greenhorn says these moves are unfair, more akin to predatory pricing so as to cut into TeleBermuda's revenue. Cable & Wireless says it's just doing business.

Suddenly the pro has found a way to make calls cheaper for the first time, if even for a while.

"It's only relatively recently (i.e., last year or so) that the flexibility has increased within the international telecoms market sufficient to allow us to make some cost savings,'' the pro explains to the townsfolk. "...In addition, we are anxious to give something back to those thousands of loyal customers who have stuck with C&W in the face of some very aggressive marketing tactics from TBI, e.g., telemarketing, hassling shoppers in supermarkets etc.'' This is the kind of language pros use when they're shooting the competition in the back and assuring townsfolk they're protecting them. It's the rebirth of love. To tell the truth this barfly hasn't noticed any of these "tactics'', but heck it would liven up a supermarket or two.

Meanwhile the greenhorn has gone running off to the sheriff to complain about the pro.

"Hey, it's not fair,'' the greenhorn says. "He's got bigger guns than me.'' The other showdown is over providing backup services for each other. In case one system goes down, the other gunslinger is supposed to step into the fray and allow the rival's customers access out of town.

That's how the greenhorn interprets the laws of town, issued by the former sheriff John Barritt under the guise of a position paper entitled "Establishment of a regulatory structure to support competition in the public telecommunications services in Bermuda''.

The sheriff wanted everyone to be friends even though he'd invited the greenhorn to the town so as to counter the power of the pro.

"The Government proposes to make it a condition of licence for international carriers to establish emergency arrangements with each other so that international traffic can be switched over each other's networks in times of network failure or repair,'' the sherrif said.

But the pro says it doesn't need the greenhorn's system as backup. It has two fibre-optic cables going out of Bermuda, one north, one south, and two satellite communications dishes. It has lots of backup. The last time one cable went down, in December last year, customers didn't even notice the switch.

Meanwhile the greenhorn's satellite system went down twice this month, for about two hours on November 15, and for at least an hour on November 19. Back then TeleBermuda had only its satellite system in operation, and it was MCI, its connection in the US, which let the company down. TeleBermuda's cable came into operation last week.

The greenhorn would still like to know the pro is there as backup if disaster strikes again. So he tries a new tack. "We should work together,'' he says.

"We can be partners and be in a win-win situation.'' This is what greenhorns do when the pros refuse to move from the bar and let them get a drink. But the pro isn't budging. Cable & Wireless argues the sheriff only meant the partnership to occur in the event of a national emergency, such as when a hurricane hits town. Other than that it's each gunslinger for himself.

"That's why C&W customers pay a higher price -- to guarantee reliable and unbroken service,'' the pro says.

Looks like the new sheriff, E.T. (Bob) Richards is going to have to sort this one out before it gets too rough. Meanwhile all the bar regulars, like myself, are enjoying the showdown. Isn't competition wonderful? *** Tech Tattle is a weekly column which focuses on technological developments and computer industry issues. Please call Ahmed at 295-5881, extension 241, or at home 238-3854 if you have any ideas for topics.