If you're going to Europe this summer, you should read this. You may experience occasional difficulty using your Bermuda-issued credit cards to draw cash, make purchases in stores, or buy meals. You certainly will not be able to use them in some retail outlets.

Because of increasing losses by credit card holders who don't repay what they owe, European credit card issuers have installed a computer chip in the cards they issue. When cardholders use their chipped-up cards, they have to input a PIN number to confirm their identity. Some retailers, banks and restaurants in London will not accept American-issued cards that lack a chip and pin.

One retailer that I visited in London in March and April this year refused to accept my chip-less Butterfield MasterCard. NatWest Bank refused to issue a cash advance on my card, solely because it had no chip. I don't know the ins and outs of HSBC's Bermuda cards, but if they too are chip-less, the same fate may await those who try to use them in London or elsewhere in Europe.

I have spoken to the banks and MasterCard on this issue. They are formulating their responses and I will include them in this column next week. The cards should by rights be accepted everywhere without question, but an excess of zeal by individual cashiers is the likeliest reason for the cards' spotty acceptance in England. Anecdotally, I have heard that some people are having similar problems in other European countries.

By contrast, in the States, the chipless credit card is accepted without question anywhere. This gave rise in the past three weeks to a most ridiculous situation. I have had an account at NatWest's head office since 1968, but when I presented my UK ID, my passport, my credit card (with an available balance) and my Government-issued press card, NatWest would not advance me the £200 ($300) I requested. No chip, no laundry.

At a casino in Colorado 10 days ago, however, they fell over themselves to advance me money on the same card, without a passport or anything else. I had to give my signature on an electronic machine, and my best efforts in this regard could not have looked less like my actual signature. No problem; the cashier didn't even look at the signature on the card.

The only untoward moment was when I had to provide my index fingerprint on the request for an advance. That was sort of scary. Now the American banking system and Uncle Sam both have my fingerprint (Uncle Sam takes my fingerprints whenever I visit), and will doubtless keep them on file for 10,000 years, even though I have never been accused of any crime. In the interests of fairness, I should tell you that I used my credit card on at least two dozen occasions on the London trip, and it was accepted without question on every occasion save two. The store that refused it was Argos, a high street retail chain (of which I own a few shares). An Argos cashier told me that company policy was not to accept cards without a chip. I went home and ordered the same goods online with the same card, without a glitch. Their guy then had to drag my purchases up four flights of stairs, so the refusal to accept my card wasn't a total loss.

Anyway, you've been warned. Travellers' cheques, an essentially outdated method of payment since the credit card was introduced, may be your best bet if you're visiting Europe. That said, NatWest sometimes asks for six weeks to clear travellers' cheques, which are prepaid and therefore the equivalent of cash. I'm taking cash next time I go. Good old cash: a girl's best friend.

Bermuda banks are streets ahead of their European and American counterparts when it comes to serving customers. I suppose they'll eventually have to go to chips and pins, and we'll all have another four-digit number to remember, because bankers to our east and west are a useless bunch.

All the reports I have read say that chip and pin does not reduce the incidence of fraud, not least because crooks intercepted the original shipments of the chip and pin machines, duplicated them and then resealed the shipping packets. Judges in the UK, however, have been refusing to believe reports of stolen PIN numbers; they take the line that if a valid pin number is given, the customer pays, even if he or she was in a coma at the time.

If you've had experience of this, or run into problems this summer, please let me know (crombie@northrock.bm). I am in touch with MasterCard and they would appreciate receiving as many details (date, place, amount, etc.) as you can send me.

Heavy sigh.

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When animals attack: here is the skinny on the swine flu outbreak. I was pretty relaxed about the whole thing until some idiot EU Commissioner said "we have everything under control". Whenever anyone from the EU says that, everything goes straight to hell five minutes later. EU Commissioners are knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing morons; they probably couldn't even spell EU.

Only one fact is clear: either we're all going to die, or we're not. Will this prove to be Hamageddon? Time will tell. I do know this: none of the swine that I know have the flu yet, so it can't be that bad.

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Integrity department: Arlen Specter, who abandoned everything he has believed for 60 years merely to increase his chances of being re-elected next year, says he will only return campaign contributions from Republicans "on request". Mr. Specter didn't mention to what address requests should be sent. Good luck, Republican contributors, trying to get your money back. To be fair, though, Mr. Specter made some great recordings in the 1960s before he killed that woman.