Dear Annie: My wife’s parents are both alcoholics, and I have a real problem with them, especially when my mother-in-law comes over to drink. I have put my foot down, so it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, my mother-in-law will walk in with an open beer, expecting my wife to supply her with more — and she does. In fact, my wife offers it openly and loudly, just to spite me.

I have talked with my wife about this, but it usually ends up in a fight. It’s reached the point where I hate her mother so much, the sight of her makes my blood boil. My wife insists she can’t change her mother, so why not drink with her? I say she should not encourage this behaviour and that it bothers me, but my wife doesn’t care how I feel.

I think my wife’s behaviour is childish and wrong. She says the opposite. And if I say anything bad about her mother, she will buy the woman liquor just to get even with me. What should I do? — Fed Up in the Midwest

Dear Fed:<$> As the child of an alcoholic, your wife has developed her own dysfunctional methods of dealing with her mother, which, unfortunately, encourage Mom to drink and also create tension in your home. Contact Adult Children of Alcoholics (adultchildren.org), P.O. Box 3216, Torrance, CA 90510, and then make an appointment with a marriage counsellor.

Dear Annie: I’m a 17-year-old junior in high school. This year has been very hard for me. I’ve taken on a massive workload at school, with AP courses, community service, music, sports and, recently, the SATs. There hasn’t been a day when I haven’t felt stressed to the point of exhaustion. On weekends, I sleep up to 12 hours, and almost every other day, I have short fits of crying both in school and out.

I’m afraid I might be depressed. I feel terrible and inadequate so much of the time. I have the complete support of my parents, so really the problem is my high expectations of myself. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’ve been trying to get it together all year. — A Very Tiredrl

Dear Tired Girl:<$> You may be more stressed than depressed, but one can lead to the other, so you need to get a handle on this. High school these days is very demanding. AP courses, volunteer work and extracurricular activities look good on your college applications, but the schedule can be overwhelming. Find one thing to cut from this juggling act, and talk to your school counsellor along with your parents. You need a break.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “At a Loss,” about her adult daughter’s messy room. I agreed with your answer completely, but I bristled at your last sentence when you suggested it was time the daughter moved out.

Please don’t look down your nose at adults still at home. At 35, I live with my mother. However, my mother is a widow and the sole caregiver of my sister, who, at 34, has the mental capacity of a two-year-old. My sister is a joy to care for, but, like any two-year-old, needs 24-hour care. I stay at home because they both need help, and I’m welcome here.

I spent a couple of years in my own place, only to come back home every weekend so my mom could go shopping or keep doctors’ appointments. Please don’t assume that adults living at home should leave the nest. Perhaps the nest needs their presence. — Name

Dear No Name: We admire those who act as caregivers to parents or siblings, although this isn’t the case with “At a Loss.” Able-bodied adult children who live with their parents because it’s cheap and comfortable, and for no other reason, are simply delaying adulthood. In your case, obviously, circumstances dictate otherwise.