Dear Annie: I am very worried about my nephew, “Charlie.” The boy is only in second grade, and already the school has twice recommended psychiatric counselling for him.

Charlie is emotionally immature, as evidenced by his strange behaviour at home and elsewhere. He sometimes hides under his desk at school, crying, when he is told to do something, and often refuses to co-operate at all. He also says some very disturbing things, such as “I want to kill you,” or, “I want to tear your arms off.” What’s really creepy is that from the look in his eyes, you think he means it.

The worst part is his parents. Instead of recognising that Charlie needs help, they punish him for getting into trouble at school. They also are quite indignant and offended that the school is recommending “a shrink” for their kid.

I’m so afraid for Charlie, but my sister and brother-in-law will not listen. What can I do to help them see that psychiatric care at his age could very well save him from serious problems in the future? — Anxious Aunt

Dear A:<$> We are worried about Charlie, too. The behaviour you describe is not typical of a second-grader, and his parents’ attitude will only exacerbate the problem. The school should stop “making recommendations” and insist that Charlie be evaluated as a condition for returning to school. Since Charlie is not your child, however, there is not much you can do. Talk to your sister, calmly, and suggest that she discuss the school’s recommendations with her pediatrician, just to make sure she has no reason to be concerned. If Sis continues to disregard Charlie’s aberrant behaviour, it may be time for a family intervention.

Dear Annie: For nearly a year now, my husband’s father has avoided coming to my house. He also has not spoken to me or made eye contact in all that time.

It’s difficult to ignore this because we have a young daughter who would be heartbroken if I didn’t allow her to see her grandparents. And my in-laws are crazy about our daughter. When I mentioned my father-in-law’s behaviour to my mother-in-law, she said that her husband likes me. Yet when she informed him how much his actions disturb me, nothing changed.

After spending an entire day there and having my father-in-law shun me, I finally told my husband it was too hurtful and uncomfortable. I no longer wish to go where I am unwanted, although I said he and our daughter are free to go without me. He said he understood and supported my decision.

How should I address my mother-in-law the next time she invites us over? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but enough is enough. — Heartbroken in Harrd

Dear Heartbroken: We’re wondering why your father-in-law has developed an aversion to you. Obviously, he hasn’t always behaved like this. The reason could be embarrassing to him, which is why he won’t deal with it. When Mom invites you to her place, simply tell her “yes,” your husband and child will be delighted to see them. Your husband should be the one to discuss this with his parents.

Dear Readers: Today is Memorial Day. Each and every one of us should take a moment to think about and appreciate the sacrifices made by the men and women who have served their country. In their honour, we would like to reprint this touching poem by John T. Bird of Birmingham, Alabama: Last Monday in May We pause to remember those who died with so much courage, so much pride. They’ll never come back, but memories endure to remind us of freedom: fragile, pure. We’re worthy of their sacrifice, if we pause each day not just on the last Monday in May.