Dear Annie: This is in response to “Wise Too Late in Bossier, Louisiana”, who said women aren’t interested in sex. You were right to say that he doesn’t speak for all men or understand all women. But in all fairness, there is much truth in what he said.I’ve been married 28 years. The first five, my wife and I were in tune with each other sexually. By the tenth year, we were down to twice a week. By the 15th year, it was twice a month. By the 18th year, it was twice a year, and she went through the motions like a zombie.

I tried to talk to her and find out what I could do better, but she would not discuss anything, except to say sex was a bother. These last ten years, I have made several attempts to see if she was willing, but she won’t even let me hug her. I offered to see a counsellor, but she is not interested. She now sleeps in another bedroom. Also, she doesn’t talk to me unless she needs money. She ignores me and spends her time reading, watching TV or napping.<$>

Sadly, many of the men I work with have told me they have similar problems. I’ll continue to suffer in silence, and hope she dies before me so I can look for someone else without feeling I am betraying her. — Suffering in Southern CaliforniaDear S.C.: We were dismayed by the number of letters from men who said the same thing. We know there are women who are not interested in sex, but sometimes there are other reasons. Read on>

From West Virginia: <$>The subject of our sexually deprived men and their “cruel wives” really gets my goat. Any man who only wants five minutes of satisfaction with his wife is seriously handicapped in the bedroom department and needs to learn how to be a caring, loving husband. A woman can be just as sexually motivated as her husband if he takes the time to be appreciative, physically affectionate (respectfully, not pawing) and helpful around the house. Too many men are not taking the time to light a fire within their wives — they are just looking to be serviced. I’m sure every woman wants yet another item added to her chore list.

New York$>I was married to a man like that for 18 years. I did everything around the house: cooking, cleaning, care of the children and volunteering. At the end of the day, I was tired. Sex became non-existent because he refused to hear when I asked to be held or needed foreplay to enjoy sex. I finally said “no more,” and left. Thanks to a wonderful man, I found that I do enjoy sex.

Texas: If a woman spends 16 hours a day “at work” with the house and kids, and then her spouse wants her to work at sex after she goes to bed, how responsive does he think she’ll be? Especially if he can get through the “checklist” in five minutes but it takes her at least 15 to be stimulated enough to enjoy herself? He would allow his car enough time to warm up in cold weather. Sexual preparation starts way before bedtime. There are two sides to every stoAnnie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox[AT]comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.