Dear Annie: My husband of eight years has a 20-year-old daughter by another marriage. “Joy” goes to school and works part time. The problem is, he is obsessed with having her around. Every time she’s here, we have to do some activity that she enjoys and that costs money. He always pays for whatever she wants and then some.Every time my husband and I plan to go somewhere, he invites Joy. I used to be glad the two of them spent time together, but lately, I’ve been uncomfortable around them. First, because I am ignored and somewhat excluded, and second, I think she is trying to put a wedge between her dad and me.

The worst part is that Joy does not stay off him. There is constant hugging, rubbing his back, sitting on his lap — more affection than he shows me. I find the affection a bit odd on her part. Joy spends very little time with friends and doesn’t have a boyfriend. My husband says it’s no big deal, but is this normal? — Left Out in Laguna, California.Dear Left Out> No, although it’s not as unusual as you might think. Some daughters are overly attached to Daddy, especially if there is competition for his affections. Joy needs to prove that she comes first, and her father is quite happy to accommodate her. The real problem isn’t Joy. It’s your husband. He needs to set boundaries on his daughter’s behaviour and make it clear that you are his first priority, and he doesn’t seem willing to do that. You can leave things alone and hope that, at some point, Joy will find affection elsewhere, or you can ask your husband to discuss the situation with a counsellor.

Dear Annie: I am 21 and recently began using public transit to commute from home to school. It’s cheap and environmentally friendly. Most rides are uneventful, but once, an older man approached me, made friendly conversation, then proceeded to position himself uncomfortably close to me, and finally began staring in a creepy way. I moved to the back of the bus. Another time, a man sat down in front of me and then, after a moment, spit in my face for no reason.

I am afraid to be confrontational because you never know how dangerous a stranger might be. On the other hand, I’d like to maintain my self-respect. How do we safely deal with people like this? <\m> Stunned by RudeneB>

Dear Stunned: We contacted the Chicago Transit Authority, and here are some suggestions: Stay alert and awake; always be mindful of your surroundings; observe the behaviour of those around you; do not sleep on the bus or train, or become too engrossed in a book. On a bus, sit closer to the driver. If you’re the only one on a train and another person gets on who makes you uneasy, get off and wait for the next one. Trust your instincts. Chicago trains have two-way intercom systems in each rail car that allow customers to talk to the rail operator in an emergency. Your main objective should be to avoid any incidents and, if confronted, run toward light and people, and don’t be afraid to yell for help.

Dear Annie: This is for “Disappointed in Louisville, Kentucky,” whose husband refuses to get a vasectomy. My husband had a vasectomy last summer. At first he was against it, but after four pregnancies, he felt it was his turn.Now he actually tells me that the sex is better. There is no need to worry about birth control, and his libido is stronger than ever. The procedure took less than an hour under local anesthesia, and we were joking around the whole time. He took it easy for a couple of days with a frozen bag of peas by his side and was back to normal activity very quickly. — Plenty of Blessings