Dear Annie: I was a live-in caregiver for my elderly parents for more than ten years. I did their cooking, cleaning, laundry, lawn work, shopping and chauffeuring. I spent many sleepless nights by their bedsides and had no life of my own. My sacrifice enabled my siblings to pursue lucrative careers, build retirements, purchase beautiful homes and travel the world. Furthermore, because my parents did not need to go into a retirement home, my siblings received a substantial inheritance.When my parents passed away, my siblings demanded that I move because they wanted to sell the house. They screamed verbal abuse at me when my sister did not get her hands on Mother’s dining room set. The door to my room was kicked in, my belongings were picked through, and Mother’s property was taken. They got a court order to look into my bank account. In the dead of winter, while I was in the process of moving, they changed all the locks on my parents’ home, without informing me or giving me a key. My sister lied that I had stolen Mother’s china and other valuables, when those items were later found in that sister’s home.

My siblings caused me so much grief and distress that I had to be treated for clinical depression. I have now moved to a beautiful area 500 miles away and am happy. I haven’t forgotten the outrageous hurt, nor do I trust my siblings. However, they are sending me e-mails and letters, acting as if nothing happened and asking to visit. I actually get sick when I receive their messages and have not replied. I no longer want to associate with them. How can I gracefully, but firmly, make sure they don’t visit? — No Good Deed Goes UnpunishedDear Good Deed:>It’s possible your siblings were guilt-ridden when Mom died, behaved abysmally and are trying to reconnect. But frankly, they sound like a pack of vultures. If they show up on your doorstep, you do not have to invite them in. Simply say, politely, sorry, but you are not entertaining visitors.

Dear Annie$>My husband, “Rick”, forgot to call his mother on Mother’s Day. I reminded him twice, but he never got around to it. I told him if he were my son, that would have hurt my feelings. He said he didn’t care about his mother’s feelings.As far as I know, there wasn’t any physical abuse in his childhood, but there was a large dose of neglect. But really, Annie, what parent doesn’t struggle with time when there are four kids and a full-time job?

My mother-in-law used to visit our children on their birthdays, but this year, she sent a present by mail. I think she feels unwanted. How can I bridge this gap? — Wishing My Boys Had Two GrandmasDear Wishin<$>You are a special daughter-in-law to want this for your husband and your children. If Rick is maintaining an estrangement because of childhood issues, it would be good for his emotional health to clear them up. Ask him to talk to a counsellor about his lingering bitterness. Explain that his attitude affects your entire family and is unfair to your sons. Perhaps he will reconsider for their sake.

Dear Ann <$>You printed a letter from Monica A. Harwood about Better Hearing and Speech Month. I would like to address those of us with hearing disorders, but who do not have accompanying speech and language problems. It would greatly benefit people with moderate hearing loss if those around us would simply enunciate to clarify the sound of consonants. Enunciation also enables lip reading, which a lot of us rely on for additional clues.

Recently, my husband and I went out to dinner to celebrate the arrival of my long-awaited $6,000 hearing aids. Picture my frustration when I was still unable to communicate with our waiter because he’d spent his week’s tips having his tongue pierced. — Madison, WisconsinAnnie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox[AT]comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Illinois 60611.