Question: My younger brother, who’s 35, recently revealed that he’s trans-gendered and is thinking about changing his sex.Besides being blown away and shocked by this information, I’m concerned about when and how I should explain this to my children, ages two and five. I know it isn’t time now; however, my brother is starting to wear a little makeup and dress in some feminine clothing. What exactly is the best way to explain this type of thing to young children? Should I wait until they start asking questions, or do I approach the subject before that time?

I want to be prepared when the time comes. I also want to be supportive of my brother. I really don’t understand the whole subject, but have done a little research since finding out about this. I greatly welcome any advice you have to offer.Answer: It’s a good idea to be prepared, because your 5-year-old is likely to ask questions if he notices his uncle’s makeup. There’s no reason to give advanced information to either child while their uncle appears mostly unchanged. However, if he should decide to go through medical procedures and entirely change his appearance to that of a woman, both children will require some forewarning, and you shouldn’t wait for questions. Your answers can be simplified to fit with their young ages and can be something like the following:

Some babies are born as boys and some as girls, but some are born who look like once sex and feel like another. When they become adults, if a man feels more like a woman and decides that’s what he really is, the doctor can help him make some changes so that he looks more like the woman he feels like. That’s what your uncle has decided to do, and after he does, then you’ll be able to call him your aunt. The same can be done for a woman who feels more like a man. The name for those special situations is “transgender”.

You may be surprised to find that your children simply accept your explanation and go right on playing without any further questions, or they may have a few questions at a later date, right after their uncle (or aunt) visits. Children are likely to be more accepting and less surprised by your simple explanation than your adult friends will be. Your younger child may not remember the new word, but your older one will and will probably give it as an explanation if another child asks him how his uncle became an aunt.

I’m sure your brother needs all the support and kindness you can give him during this complex time in his life, but while it’s difficult for you and for him, your young children will have little problem accepting this change in their lives>Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm<$>[AT]sylviarimm.com.