My eight-year-old daughter can?t go to sleep on her own without the light, radio or TV on. Many times she comes into my bedroom, and I let her because it?s already midnight, and we both need our sleep for the next day. My ex-wife (I?ve since remarried; she hasn?t) has the same problem. We?ve tried several approaches in unison and separately, but can?t seem to break the cycle. What can we do?

You and your ex-wife should decide together when you?ve had enough of sharing your bed with your daughter, and then, and only then, you can break the cycle. You?ll have to be determined, although you can make occasional exceptions for thunderstorms or especially fearful experiences. It?s fine to allow lights and some music to silence the creaks, but TV isn?t acceptable as a lullaby because it causes too many problems, as kids watch TV instead of going to sleep. You could also encourage your daughter to read in bed to help her settle down. Once you?ve made the guidelines clear, you can explain to your daughter that you?re putting a gate up at your own doorway or locking your door, so she won?t be able to come in. The hard part is when she comes to the door or gate, because you?ll have to get up and escort her back to her bed and comfort her for a few nights, or let her cry at your door. Within a short time, she?ll understand you mean what you?ve said and that she must go back to her own bed to sleep. You and your ex-wife will each lose a few nights of good sleep, but the problem will disappear.

Your daughter sleeping in your bed will interfere with your new relationship and will cause problems for your ex-wife if she begins a relationship. Your daughter can learn to sleep independently, and this approach will do your daughter no harm.

I?m concerned about my eight-year-old son. He doesn?t have any friends whom he plays with regularly. There are only two boys his age nearby. They don?t attend his school, and it seems as if they?re never home.

At school, my son tells me there aren?t any kids whom he plays with, and he sits alone at lunch because he doesn?t want to get into trouble. I know he?s well liked, because when I pick him up there are a lot of kids saying, ?Hi?. He?s shy at first, but not once you get to know him.

He and his brother are five years apart, so he doesn?t have siblings who play with him much either. Should I be concerned? I just don?t want him to be a ?loner.?

You have good reason for concern if your son is truly a loner and has no friends, but it?s a good idea to talk to his teacher before you conclude he?s not social. I say that because you?ve observed kids being very friendly toward him after school, and that doesn?t seem to fit with your description of his aloneness.

The teacher could observe your son to reassure you. She may be willing to assign him a partner for school projects or activities, which could help him to make some special friends. Once he identifies a few boys he seems to like, you could invite a friend home for a play date where you could notice how your son gets along. Participation in a sport or extracurricular activities will also help your son make friends. Once he shares interests and activities with others, he?s likely to make friends.