Recovering addict Kenneth Matthew still wonders sometimes why an angry drug dealer spared his life several years ago in an abandoned New York building.

The encounter with the dealer is something the Bermudian man will never forget. He watched the man bring out a gun to teach him a lesson over an unpaid $30 debt. Mr. Matthew thought his end had come but instead of firing the gun the dealer beat him with it instead.

?I owed this young man $30 from drugs I had (bought on credit) from him and one day I wanted to get high and had $30 but there was no one around but him,? recalled Mr. Matthew.

?It was raining and snowing and I walked up to him and he said ?sure, follow me? and I followed him to an abandoned building. He had his back to me and I saw him open up a package of drugs, but as he turned around he pulled a gun out and hit me in my face with it.

?He said ?I?ve got a mind to blow your brains out, where is my money?? He hit me in my face and my whole face was full of blood. I was on my knees and had the $30 in my hand and he snatched it out and threw down one bag (of drugs) and said ?the next time I see you, you owe me double?.

?By the grace of God he didn?t pull that trigger, because there was nobody else in that hallway (as a witness). He is a guy I used to run the streets with. I knew it was only a matter of time that I would be dead, no doubt about it.?

Mr. Matthew, clean now for more than seven years, has become the second recovering addict to join ASAP (Alternative Substance Abuse Programme) at Westgate, helping counsel inmates with substance abuse problems. He is in training right now and will follow the same steps as colleague Randy Leverock, an addict turned programme facilitator.

Mr. Matthew brings his own experiences from the street into the sessions and those inmates attending listen to his experiences.

?They have the ability to relate in ways that don?t need to be spoken many times,? said Kuni Frith-Black, the coordinator/facilitator of ASAP.

?We need to acknowledge our black men who have been through the fire of addiction and we need to put them in a position to encourage others who are struggling. That?s what ASAP does.

?We started with Mr. Leverock and now we have Mr. Matthew. I am in the process of training another recovering addict because we?re looking to expand the programme.?

The plan is to send Mr. Matthew off to Lincoln Detox Centre in the Bronx later this year to obtain his certification in auricular acupuncture.

?When Mr. Matthew tells you where he came from, miracles do happen,? said Mrs. Frith-Black.

An addict when he left Bermuda for the United States in the 1980s, Mr. Matthew continued to live that dangerous lifestyle in the States. He was so desperate he ate out of garbage cans in Brooklyn.

?When I walked into detox I was weighing 130 pounds and had two sets of clothes on,? he recalled.

?I was hungry and dirty, lonely and tired. I was so hungry that the lady brought me a hamburger and some French fries, and by the time she walked from here out to that office and back I had licked the plate clean.

?She told me I had to get a bath. I took off my clothes and said ?damn, this room stinks?, but when I looked around there was nobody in the room but me. I peeled the socks off the bottom of my feet because they had stuck to my feet. The State of New York had to give me clothes ? I didn?t even have any clothes.?

He was living a life that was destined to end tragically ? and should have the day the pusher decided he had to be taught a lesson. Somehow it didn?t!

Back in Bermuda for about three years after getting off drugs while in New York, Mr. Matthew is now looking forward to a milestone on August 27... his 50th birthday. It was something he couldn?t even think about a decade ago when the drug addiction nearly destroyed him.

Mr. Matthew was speaking of his own experiences after the completion ceremony of the ASAP programme for groups seven and eight. It is a seven-month programme run by Mrs Frith-Black and is designed to help inmates with drug and alcohol problems to face their demons.

?Mrs. Black is a mentor. She worked hard to get me up here,? said Mr. Matthew, grateful for the opportunity to help other young men whose plight he can identify with.

He knew her from Focus, where he was attending group sessions and she was a counsellor. A chance meeting last year, by which time he had already been clean for more than six years, paved the way for him to join the programme.

?One day I was at Albuoy?s Point and Mrs. Black was there admiring the sunset and we had a conversation and I was telling her how I was pursuing my certification (Associates Certification in Alcohol and other Drugs) and she encouraged me to keep working at it,? said Mr. Matthew who was doing courses through Hazelden Foundation and at the Bermuda College.

?I knew Mrs. Black from Focus when I first came back (to Bermuda). She used to do groups (sessions) at that time, and I used to go there and share my experience, strength and hope.?

Those in the ASAP programme at Westgate are also leaning on his experience, strength and hope.

?Being from the drug world myself, I can understand what they are going through,? he said.

?They have embarked on a lot of information and you can see the change. We?re responsible for the information not the outcome.?

Mr. Matthew?s own change has been drastic and now he wants to give back.

?I?ve had guns in my face, had my nose broken, ribs broken and have been to prison also in the States, over four months on this particular case,? he revealed.

?After my first year of being clean I aspired to become a counsellor. We need many more programmes like ASAP. My personal opinion is that ASAP needs to be taken into the community and it needs to be funded and have all the opportunities to grow as much as it needs to.

?I have volunteered and worked in other programmes, here and abroad, and ASAP has the best library going, it is up to date and on the cutting edge of recovery.?

Said Mrs. Black: ?If anybody out there has been clean for more than two years and is interested in ASAP, call me.

?They need an opportunity and we have to give them a chance. I can?t vouch for any of them and say they are not going to use again, I don?t know that. But I go by what I know is in their heart and I know this is where his (Matthew?s) heart is.

?He wants to help and has expressed that over and over. I set high standards and tell them they have to enrol in the Psychology programme at the Bermuda College. They can?t function in a manner to help others if they don?t have the tools themselves... those tools are education.?

Between the ages of 14 and 41, Matthew used drugs, starting with marijuana in his early teens and graduating to hard drugs before he finally got a grip on himself eight years ago.

?I went through detox, rehab, a sober house, and while I was in the sober house, I went through an IOP (intensive outpatient programme) for one year,? he revealed.

?Then I volunteered for a year-and-a-half after that in a recovery programme. I make many, many meetings, Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. I also attend church. I live by example.?

David Parker, a substance abuse counsellor at Turning Point, has no doubt Mr. Matthew has something to offer others struggling with addiction.

?He did some volunteer work for us and I was his clinical supervisor and I guess I helped him get more in touch with the addictions counselling field,? said Mr. Parker.

?Kenneth has a real enthusiasm for helping people, is a very spiritual man, has a good perspective on life and is excited about realising his real purpose. Not all of us find that in our lifetime but after turning his life around, Kenneth has found what works for him and that is helping those people who are where he was once... and to find their way.?

Added Mr. Parker: ?One thing I tell clients, and I have told Kenneth as well, is that it is so important that we be examples first, even before words come out of our mouths. Our lives should be demonstrating what we?re all about.

?Kenneth has a good heart, knows what he wants to do and I think he is going to do great things and impact on a lot of people?s lives.?

Mr. Parker attended the completion ceremony for ASAP and was moved by what he saw.

?They had me in tears. You can see some life changing things happening there,? he stated.

?We?ve all got to participate in helping people change. Sometimes they have to be forced into looking at themselves to make the change.?

Mr. Matthew says New York is where he hit rock bottom and where he decided to turn his life around after years of addiction.

?I was an addict here in Bermuda also. My addiction just went with me out there and got worse. I was just trying to change my geographic location and the night I got off the plane I got high,? he said.

He lived in New York for close to five years and before that for 13 years in Massachusetts.

?Many of my friends have died through the use and abuse of drugs.?

Mr. Matthew said going back to school was ?one of the greatest things that could ever have happened to me?.

He continues to educate himself and thanks many people for making that possible, including Jim Butterfield of Butterfield and Vallis who funded his education both here and abroad.

?I have a saying that I like to say and that is that I have a second life in one lifetime!

?My sponsor also said to me: ?God didn?t deliver you from shark infested waters to die on the beach?.

?I have a purpose in life today and that is to help the next sick and suffering addict.?