Joanne hasn't given up on her three-year marriage, even though she and her husband have separated and she has a protection order against him.

She is in the programme for abused women and her husband, too, is seeking help for his abusive behaviour, but it is too early to say if the two of them have a future together.

The beating started a couple of years ago and when it did not stop Joanne finally decided to take steps to get help.

"I guess pride had something to do with it as well, but after the beating was over it was like 'it's not going to happen again'," she explained.

"Initially it wasn't that often but towards the end they started coming more rapidly and it kind of got scary. It wasn't all the time that he would hit me but you could tell that it was going to escalate to that point or could have.

"When I reached my breaking point I didn't know what was going to happen next. Will I be able to get out it the next time, as well as the fact that I have a young child that I have to take into consideration, too."

Joanne (not her real name) is not certain if she wants to go through with a divorce.

"He still wants the marriage and is in the programme now and I don't want to end my marriage just like that," she explained.

"I'm willing to listen, I have a lot of unanswered questions that only he can answer and I have to just wait until that time when I can ask him. I have a protection order against him and we can't have any contact right now."

Joanne was one of the battered women who came face to face with former batterer Gladstone Eve recently. The women got the opportunity to get some questions answered from a batterer's perspective.

"Walking into the room and seeing him there was okay because he wasn't my batterer," said Joanne.

"I had no fear of him, I just wanted questions answered from him since he has completed the programme. Can a batterer be fixed...that's my question.

"What I was trying to find out from him (Eve) was what did he get out of the programme and what can I expect from my husband. He said it was an ongoing process for him, one day at a time.

"That kind of eased my mind. I asked him if his batterie - if that's the word - is supportive of him in the programme and did he think it would be easy for him to slip back into battering her."

Joanne says she never saw the abusive side of her husband before they got married. In fact that side of him was never revealed until about a year into the marriage.

"He paid attention to me and I came first in everything," she recalled.

"I totally got sucked in. It was a case where he was trying to take the blame off himself for something he had done and switch it up to me.

"I only came forward about two months ago. Basically before that I was in denial. You would never hear me say anything about it, and even at work they still don't know anything.

"I don't want people coming up to me and constantly asking me am I okay."

Joanne said the recent murder of a young mother in Hamilton Parish had something to do with her coming forward.

"I didn't want to end up like her and because it (physical and emotional abuse) was coming so close together - more than once a week - it was like let me get out of here, because the next time I may not get my daughter out of the situation.

"I don't think it was fair to have her in that situation, regardless of my vows. The last time he didn't actually hit me but I knew he was coming to hit me and stopped himself."

Joanne is about halfway through the ten-week programme while her husband is in the six month batterer's programme. She admits she would have advised any of her friends to get out of an abusive situation, but found herself suffering in silence for two years, waiting for him to change.

"I didn't tell anyone, no one knew until I basically came out," she said.

"If he's saying 'oh I'm sorry, I won't do it again' you kind of believe them because love does that to you. Then you sometimes feel that something is wrong with you, but it has taken me awhile to figure out that it's not me."

Sally (also not her real name) was involved in what she called a 'love-hate relationship' with an older man for two-and-a-half years before she sought help for the abuse she suffered.

"I was in love with my partner's potential but hated and resented his compulsive behaviour," she explained.

"Due to low self-esteem and codependence traits I unconsciously selected security over fulfilment. That past decision I would soon grow to regret.

"The violent attacks on my life reminded me of a person using a metal hammer to pound a nail into a cement brick, his fist often pounded my body, including my face. He showed no mercy or remorse for his actions, my tears or physical bruises."

Sally admits the emotional and physical abuse, which started three months into the relationship, ate at her self-confidence and self-love and left emotional scars.

"The powerlessness, hopelessness, confusion and pain I felt were devastating," said Sally who says she grew up witnessing abuse.

"My life had become unmanageable, chaotic, fearful and I walked on eggshells daily. I wanted out badly and I sought an escape...suicide was the only thought my mind could conceive. I was bombarded with thoughts night after night.

"Sometimes I would look up at the ceiling fan going around in a clockwise rotation and think about hanging myself. I wanted a method quick and with the least amount of pain possible."

Added Sally: "Only then I realised my life was in danger, not just from him but from myself. My soul was sick and I desperately needed help."

Sally has been in the programme since February and is learning to love herself again. She found the meeting with Gladstone Eve helped her answer some questions.

"I believe Mr. Eve truly recognises and identifies with his dysfunctional behaviour and desires change," she said.

"I saw a glow in his face and that glow represents true inner fulfilment. I saw humility and submission to his spiritual growth and I believe his faith will help sustain him in times of trouble.

"I saw a commitment to personal growth because the recovery process doesn't end at the end of the support group."

Rose Vickers, Facilitator of the Batterer's Programme, says the meeting of the battered women and the former batterer, worked very well.

"I felt very confident because part one of our training tapes showed a gentleman abroad actually going to a shelter, meeting victims and telling them his story," she explained.

"It was just amazing to see what we had been looking at on the tape, we were doing the same thing. It was just totally amazing, so positive and so powerful."

Based on the positive response from the women in the meeting, a second meeting with Eve is likely.

"The next day I called them all and asked them how they felt about it and all said they were quite positive and all enjoyed him being there," she explained.

"They said it seemed he truly wanted change and felt he was at peace with himself. They all said they would like to have him to come back. They asked him many questions from a man's point of view."

Counsellor and co-facilitator of the women's support group, Nina Jones, encourages women who are victims of abuse to come forward, confident in knowing that discretion is paramount.

Presently there are eight women in the support group, though there was once about 15 women in a group.

"I don't think the numbers reflect on the issue itself," said Ms Jones. "Because it's a small community a lot of people are scared to come forward, they might see somebody in the group that they know. Sometimes I might have a person who went to school with me and they might feel uncomfortable coming.

"But I also find that once they come they also want to come to each session. The old members keep coming and try to encourage new people to come. But to make that step and come forward in the first place is a big step for someone."

Ms Jones says women also resist coming forward because they see the abuse as the man's problem.

"A lot of times they feel 'it's not me, it's him who needs the help'," she explained.

"We teach them that people only do what you allow them to do. Becoming someone's doormat doesn't give you the love and respect you desire."

Presently all the women in the support group are black, but the counsellor stresses that abuse knows no race, religion or age. She sees women from their 20s to 50s being abused.

"It's just about breaking down that initial barrier," she says.

"What I would also suggest is if you are not comfortable within a group setting to come to individual counselling and if you feel comfortable after that you can start the group.

"Each member contributes to the group, it's a place where you are respected and your opinion counts. Others in the group understand what you are going through."

Those seeking further information can call the Physical Abuse Centre at 292-4366.