Dear Annie: Last year, my son and I moved into my boyfriend’s home. I pay half the utilities and spend almost $400 a month on groceries for all of us, including “Tom’s” 12-year-old daughter. I also paid for half of his new washer, dryer and refrigerator. When we go out for dinner, I’m always the one who pays, and we use my car. I keep the house clean, wash, iron, make lunches, etc. He never lifts a finger.

The other day, Tom told me I should pay half of his mortgage and the costs of remodelling his house inside and out. He says I’m obligated because I live there. He says the remodelling will cost thousands, and if I don’t have the money, I should take out a loan.

Annie, I feel I’m being taken advantage of and don’t think I should pay for anything more. My expenses are higher now than when I was single. To top it off, every time Tom gets mad at me, he kicks me out of the house and then apologises. We both make the same amount of money. I’m considering moving out. — Miserable and Broke

Dear Miserable: There is nothing wrong with paying for half the costs of your living arrangements, including rent, utilities, groceries, repair bills, etc. That includes half (not all) the cost of entertainment. However, the house is in Tom’s name. He can kick you out whenever he wants, which is not good for you or your son. He also can sell the house, and you won’t get a penny.

If he wants half the mortgage and remodelling costs, the house should be in both your names, but frankly, Tom doesn’t sound like a good risk for a permanent relationship, and we don’t think you should entangle your finances with his. If you are financially better off without him, it’s time to move out.

Dear Annie: I was married 35 years to my beloved husband. Our sex life was good until the last five years before he passed away. Since his death, I’ve had sexual desires that I’ve taken care of with self-gratification. I don’t wish to date, as it feels like cheating, and with all the sexually transmitted diseases these days, I would be afraid to become intimate. I feel extremely guilty about what I do, but it relieves the pressure. Am I wrong to do it? — Lonely in Indian>

Dear Lonely:<$> No. Masturbation is a perfectly normal sexual outlet. We understand your reluctance to date, but it would be healthy for you to get back into the game. You were blessed with a long and loving marriage, and unless you prefer solitude, we doubt your husband would want you to be alone. If someone offers to introduce you to an available man, please consider it.

Dear Annie: I am responding to “A Parent in Any School,” who was appalled that some children do not go on field trips because of the cost. “Parent” should ask her school to adopt a policy that says no child will be prevented from participating in a field trip based on financial need or physical handicap.

In my district, children who could not afford trips were given “scholarships” through the school. PTOs often provided money, and, on occasion, individual parents donated for that purpose. If the school felt some children could not participate in a trip because of their physical needs, an alternative field trip was planned. In other words, either everyone went on a trip or no one did. Thus, the school system did not discriminate among children based on financial resources or physical abilities.

Just thought you might like to know that one indicator of an effective school system is that it takes care of all of its children in all situations. — D.H., Retired Principal, Lexington, MasB>Dear D.<$> Several teachers and principals wrote us, saying their schools also have such policies in place. We hope all schools will follow suit.