Dear Annie: I haven't been able to speak to my parents for many years because my daughter was abused by my father. My father had molested me when I was young. I told my mother, but she didn't believe me and said I was just making it up to hurt her. It went on until I was old enough to put a stop to it on my own.

I never allowed my children to be alone with my father. I thought that was enough protection, but when my nine-year-old daughter needed to see a therapist, she told him my father had been touching her. The therapist went to child protective services, and everything came out about what my father had done to me. My daughter and I had to testify in court. Dad initially denied the charges, and my mom and sister stood by him and hated us for what we were doing. Dad eventually pleaded no contest, got probation and now has to register as a sex offender.

It has been four years since I have spoken to any of them, although I send cards every Mother's Day because I miss my mom so much. A year ago, my sister contacted me to say I've treated my parents badly and my dad is dying because of me. She said Mom is upset because I never inquire about Dad when I send cards.

My husband's family lives in the same city as my parents, and we are thinking of moving back so we can be closer to them. But it scares me to be in the same town as my parents. I have finally got past my crying fits, but there are days I don't do so well. Am I wrong? Should I be doing anything else? California

Dear California: It is a parent's primary job to protect his or her children. Your mother, when told about the abuse, made no effort to help and still blames you for what your father did. If Dad has expressed remorse, it is OK to inquire about him if you feel it would help you reconcile with Mom.

However, because Mom still refuses to take responsibility for abetting the abuse, a better relationship may not be possible. Our hearts go out to you.

Dear Annie: I was diagnosed with genital herpes at the age of 20, after dating my boyfriend for over a year. (He cheated on me.) I was a virgin until I met him. At the time, I was scared and depressed and thought my love life was over. I am now 45 and have come to realize that herpes is not the end of the world. I have been married and have healthy children. I've never had a man walk away after telling him I have this virus.

I am now divorced and dating again. It is nerve-wracking to think about telling men I have this virus. Can you please inform the public that people don't need to freak out about herpes? In fact, one out of five people is now carrying the virus, and most don't even know it. Appleton, Wis., Reader

Dear Appleton: Herpes is common enough these days, and treatable, so it should not be a major barrier to a relationship. You don't need to tell a new boyfriend about the virus until you intend to become intimate. For those who want more information on herpes, or on breaking the news to others, contact the American Social Health Association at ashastd.org, or call their hotline at 1-800-227-8922.

Dear Annie: May I say something about women with decreased libidos? Sometimes, birth control pills can cause this problem.

Although it may take a while to find a pill that works, they should talk to their gynecologist about their concerns and ask that they be switched to a different brand. Problem Fixed in Nevada

Dear Nevada: Thanks for the warning. If anyone thinks this could be her problem, please see your doctor immediately.