Kayla looked at herself in the mirror: - black circles under her eyes, sallow skin, lifeless dull hair: she disgusted herself. Her skin was a mess, her hair was a mess her life was a mess. Lately it seems, her life was a constant reminder of everything in her past that she had messed up. One week before Christmas her life took a nose dive: - she had tested positive for the HIV virus.

Christmas time was always difficult. The hotel had closed as the tourism season ended and she had her 15 month old son to support. She was tired of wrapping gifts at Triminghams, watching people excitedly choosing gifts for loved ones and bringing them to her to wrap. She was tired of the plastic grin and that gift wrap was feeding her and her son and that was what mattered.

Staring at herself in the mirror she wondered how she was going to tell her family. Last Christmas it had been baby Kyle. The memory was as vivid as it had happened yesterday.

The summer before she had graduated from high school, and her mother was pleased. Then came disappointment number one: - she was not going to college.

"wait a year and we'll see what we can do'', was what they had said. "we can't really afford to send you to college'', was what they meant, so Kayla checked into going to Bermuda College.

Before she even got a reply she found out that she was pregnant! Her father was furious! Her mother was worse. No emotion, no anger: -- just, "we'll deal with it''. Her disappointment was clear on her face.

After the birth of Kyle, although no words were spoken she was forgiven and they showered the baby with gifts and lots of attention.

Kayla grinned ruefully looking at herself. "at least you are consistent'', she said to her image. "A constant disappointment''. She began to sob softly, so no one would hear her.

"How much time do I have left?'' She wondered this all the time after her diagnosis.

The doctor had told her life will become much more valuable to her because death was coming faster than she anticipated. After all, nobody assumes they are going to die at nineteen.

She decided to pull herself together and take Kyle into Hamilton to see the lights. As she dressed him she decided to live for him every day. "You deserve more than this, baby'', she said to him. Hew as too young to know what that meant. He just looked at her and laughed. Light merry laughter, that only a child could make.

As they walked through town Kyle marvelled at the lights and the displays in the windows. Front Street, Reid Street, Queen Street. A marvellous wonderland.

She could pretend to be in a whole different world: -- just her and Kyle: no virus no bills, no boyfriend who told her he loved her until she told him she was pregnant. All she got from him was "is it mine?'' She decided to sit with Kyle on the bench behind the flagpole on Front Street.

Her favourite spot. They sat there looking at the ships in the harbour, the lights twinkling on the houses on Harbour road. There was a slight chill in the air. She hugged Kyle tightly to her, drinking in his fresh baby smells.

She gently stroked his hair and rocked him to sleep smiling at his innocence.

She brushed a curl away from his eyes and sat staring out at the harbour.

At work the next day there was an air of excitement. It was Christmas Eve and everyone was in a festive mood. Kayla decided to tell her parents the news Christmas night and let everyone enjoy the holidays.

"Girlfriend!, stop micing and come to lunch''. "Honey, I wouldn't miss this lunch for nothing!'' "Bosses treat I will eat!'' Kayla said, laughing at her friend Sharon. Sharon was five six and weighed close to two hundred pounds.

She was always jolly and everybody was her "girlfriend!'' Kayla and her were best of friends and she just knew that they were going to have one good time this lunchtime.

They had lunch at Fisherman's Reef and Sharon as usual ate what Kayla didn't finish. "Girlfriend! What is the matter with you? You're looking down in the mouth and you don't need to be on no diet! You ain't back with that poor excuse for a boyfriend are you?'' "Aren't..aren't and no, I am not back with Trent''. Kayla was tired of correcting Sharon's English and was dying for another drink, the last thing she needed to hear was Sharon's tired old rendition of what a big mistake she had made having a child for the likes of Trent.

"I'll have a gin and tonic with a twist'', she said when the waiter came around for the order. Kayla downed four more before making her way home.

That night Kayla helped her mother make the farine pie. The kitchen smelled glorious! The cakes baking, the chicken boiling, all the smells mixing together made Kayla think of her childhood when the smells from the kitchen signalled that there was only one more night to sleep before she got to open her presents.

"Oh, to be a child again'', she said aloud. "What?'' her mother asked, preoccupied with measuring the ingredients for her special pie.

"when you're a child you spend your years wishing your life away and wanting more responsibilities. When you grow up you realise that the best part of your life you wasted by wishing it away and not enjoying the carefree part''.

"Wait a minute child!'' her mother interrupted. "It's not that bad getting old, you just take the days as they come''.

"I know that'', said Kayla. "But sometimes I look at Kyle and wish that I could protect him from everything''. "When you're a child you don't have any real worries. You assume and expect the lights to come on when you turn on the switch but you don't realise that it costs money every time you do it. You expect to be fed and clothed and you are, and "that'' is what I wish for.

"That'' ignorance and innocence. The assumption that you would be taken care of, and you are. So many of us who were in such a rush tog row up, missed out on just the simple joy of living''.

"Wait a minute Kayla, you're sounding pretty serious here. Is something the matter?'' Her mother stopped what she was doing and turned to her daughter.

"You aren't pregnant again are you? It would send your father over the edge''.

"No, no, it's not that'', she said.

Kayla could almost hear the sigh of relief. "Well everything is fine then.

You're probably just tired. Why don't you go to bed and I'll clean the kitchen''.

The next morning Kayla woke up in good spirits. Maybe she had just been tired after all. It had been a difficult week.

Kyle was already up and at the Christmas tree. They decided that he could open his gifts first thing in the morning and they would open theirs in the evening after dinner.

He was deliriously happy. As usual he played with the wrapping and the boxes more than the toys.

While he was playing Kayla decided to get herself dressed for church.

"Merry Christmas'', her father peeked in on his way to the bathroom.

"You've got half an hour before we leave''.

Kayla finished dressing and got Kyle ready. Every Christmas morning they attended church and even though Kayla did not attend regularly she always looked forward to the Christmas church service.

The Minister spoke of the birth of Christ and the true meaning of Christmas. A chance for new beginnings and new hope. "Christmas time was for giving'', he said, "just the giving of gifts but of oneself.'' Kayla listened and hung on to every word.

He spoke of the homeless and their appreciation of the simple things in life.

"Sometimes we worry about something so much that it becomes bigger than what it is. We have to learn to take everything as a lesson learned. Bad news is sometimes a warning to change the way you're living your life. Slow down, and stop feeling sorry for yourself,'' he advised.

These words struck Kayla so much she did not realise she had begun to cry. Her mother put her arm around her. "Everything's going to be alright baby,'' she said. "Everything will be alright.'' After church they went to the Matilda Smith Williams Home to visit her grandmother. Even though her grandmother called her by the wrong name, she was always glad to see her and Kyle.

Kyle went over and kissed her and gave her the present he had picked out for her all by himself. It was a troll. She had tried to get him to put it back and get something different but hew as determined. "Gwanma, Gwanma'', he had said in his little voice. It wasn't until she took a second look at it that she realised that the trolls looked like little replicas of her grandma. She chuckled to herself and let him take the troll in the pink outfit and pink hair to the cashier to get wrapped.

Her mother raised an eyebrow as grandma opened the gift. "I'll tell you later,'' Kayla whispered. The familiarity was uncanny and she had to chuckle again as Kyle kept pointing to the troll and saying "Gwanma, gwanma''.

At home Kayla and her mother set the table while her father entertained Kyle.

They always ate dinner together, just the three of them, until Kyle, and then they house-hopped over to relatives.

They sat down to dinner; Kayla, Kyle and her parents. Her father blessed the table and they chatted and remarked about the delicious food. "Geraldine you've outdone yourself again,'' her father said. "Oh, Stanley, you say that every year.'' Kayla watched this exchange and she got a lump in her throat. "What's the matter child?'' her mother asked. "You're a million miles away.'' "I have something to tell you but I don't know how...'' Kayla began. Just then the phone rang.

"Who would be calling us this time of day on Christmas!'' her mother said annoyed.

"Everyone knows we're eating''.

"I'll get it,'' said Kayla: hopping up from the table.

"Hello...hello! is this Kayla Bradshaw?'' said the anxious voice on the phone. It was a voice she remembered. Why would she be calling me today?'' wondered Kayla.

"I have been trying to call you all week. This is the nurse from Doctor Pratt's office.'' "I know, I know,'' said Kayla. She would never forget that voice. "It's been a busy week with shopping and Christmas parties and all. Why are you calling?'' "The other day when you were in we were so busy and I had so many files on my desk that when I saw you come in I picked up the file in your numbered slot.

You see, for the AIDS test, instead of submitting your name we give each patient a number for anonymity and with all the rush I must have misfiled your file when all the tests came back. I realised the mistake after you had left, when the doctor wanted to review your case for the A.Z.T. programme.'' "What are you trying to say?'' said Kayla not daring to believe what she was hearing.

"What I'm trying to say is that your test came back negative. I'm so sorry for the emotional stress that you have encountered and the doctor wants to see you as soon as possible. The reason you were so sick was that you have an allergy to certain medications and hew ants to discuss it with you. I can't say enough how sorry I am about this awful mix up! I had to call you because I wanted you to enjoy your Christmas.'' "Thank you for calling,'' said Kayla. "Tell Doctor Pratt that I will call him as soon as possible.'' After the nurse hung up the phone Kayla thought of everything she had been through that week and remembered the preacher's words. "Sometimes bad news is a message that it is time to change your lifestyle.'' She could be angry at the nurse, but instead she was grateful for the lessons he had learned and the chance to evaluate her life.

Kayla put down the phone and went back to the table.

"Who was that?'' her mother asked.

"Oh just a wrong number,'' said Kayla smiling.

"So what did you have to tell us?'' "Looking at the two of you made me realise that I am truly lucky to have two parents that care,'' begun Kayla. "Nowadays, that is a privilege many children don't have, not even my own son. I just want to apologise for not appreciating that and causing so much trouble for you. I promise that this coming year I will be much better than I was last year.'' Her father came over to her and hugged her. "Baby, no matter what you do you know we love you.'' Kayla knew as she hugged her father tightly and was comforted by the same old familiar smell of the Old Spice he had worn for years. Maybe this year he would try the new cologne she bought for him, she thought to herself as they linked arms and headed for the tree.

ADULT RUNNER-UP -- Mrs. Betty Azzario.