be seen but not heard, but many of today's harassed parents wish the rule still applied at mealtime.

Why? Because all too often the dining table becomes a battleground between adults and children over what they should eat and how they should behave.

Little children, in particular, have small attention spans and tummies to match. Restless, energetic and with lively minds, they want to eat and be off, while parents -- usually exhausted after a long, hard day -- wish to eat in peace and quiet.

Differences between adults and children over taste preferences, menu content and portion sizes also cause friction.

Still formulating their likes and dislikes, children's tastes are often at variance with their parents'. What to a child may seem perfectly logical appears finicky, illogical and downright irritating to parents who prepare meals and simply want children to eat them.

Presenting meals lacking in visual appeal for a child and large portions served on regular dinner plates are other problem areas.

From a child's perspective, what may seem palatable and delicious to an adult appears drab and unappetising to them. A steak with mushrooms and jacket potato, for example, may be tantalising to a grown-up, but a child may see it as a big, brown mess.

Rigidity over the order in which food should be eaten is another flash-point.

Threats such as "no dinner, no dessert'' are often counter-productive to getting food down juvenile throats.

How, then, to make mealtimes happy events for both generations? "It all comes down to wanting to get children and food together harmoniously,'' Government nutritionist Mrs. Betsy Baillie said. "Parents have to appreciate that it is their responsibility to provide the appropriate food, and then it is up to the children to decide if they are going to eat it and how much they are going to eat.'' "There must be compromise,'' her colleague, Mrs. Mellonie Barnum-Branco added. "Children should be included in the meal planning process, but what parents have to establish is what food is appropriate. We do not consider hot dogs, French fries and chicken nuggets appropriate food.'' Parents must also recognise that children, like adults, have valid likes and dislikes, but that doesn't mean children should not be encouraged to try new things.

"It is important for children to try new foods, but they don't have to like them,'' Mrs. Baillie said. "It is through exposure to such foods that they get used to different taste experiences.'' Insisting that a child eat at least one spoon or fork full of something is appropriate, although Mrs. Baillie warned that it was normal for children not to like something the first time they tasted it.

Mrs. Barnum-Branco suggested that children be allowed to help in the preparation of a new food, even if it meant just washing it, as another way to increase acceptance.

When it came to giving children choices, the nutritionists said the crux of the problem was parents allowing children to make choices before they had the ability to make informed decisions.

"Parents should not say: `What would you like to eat?' but rather: `Would you like carrots or cauliflower?' This permits them to make their own choice within the framework of the appropriate foods that parents want them to eat,'' Mrs. Baillie said.

And what if a child doesn't eat? Look for the reasons why, say the nutritionists.

Is it because they are not hungry. Have they had a snack too close to mealtime? Did they fill up on drink during the day? Or is it because they want attention? "A lot of children act up because they get more attention if they don't eat than if they do,'' Mrs. Baillie advised. "Children also know that if they don't eat at the table they'll get something later.'' But if parents succumbed to that philosophy, the nutritionist said, they would end up as short order cooks.

"That's what a lot of parents are anyway,'' Mrs. Baillie observed. "If little Johnny says, `I don't want that' the parent responds: `Okay, what do you want then? ' and then goes to all sorts of lengths to get the child to eat.'' Much of the strife of mealtime can be eliminated with careful advance planning, the establishment of rules and regulations, and firmness in carrying them out.

"Plan meals and snacks for the whole day in advance so you not only know what your child is eating but regulate his appetite. Be sure to include in each eating experience something you know the child likes,'' Mrs. Baillie recommended. "At mealtime, tell the child his meal includes something he likes. If he doesn't want to eat, tell him he will have to wait for the next scheduled snack or meal, and stick to it.

"Even if a child doesn't want to eat at the appointed meal time, tell him he must come to the table and sit until the others are finished anyway.'' Indeed, firmness in enforcing regulations is important for both the parents' and the child's well-being, the nutritionist assured.

"Children can easily manipulate parents over food, so whatever rules are established the parents must be prepared to carry them through. That is where a lot of parents have difficulties -- they often relent and give the child something after the meal. The immediate refusal of food should not be countered by then giving the children anything they want to eat. That is counter-productive,'' Mrs. Baillie said.

Regarding desserts, the nutritionists said these should not be used as a reward for eating something else.

"Healthy desserts (fruit, yoghurt, cheese and crackers) should be on the table at the start of the meal. If a child wants to eat the dessert first that's all right. But it mustn't be the only thing he eats.'' Presentation, portion and plate sizes were also important contributors to child-appeal.

"A lot of parents expect children to eat more than they can actually eat,'' Mrs. Baillie said. "Putting too much on a plate can be very discouraging to a child because it looks like a mountain. Small portions actually encourage a child to eat, and they can always come back for more.'' Using a child's favourite plate, mug and placemat added to a pleasurable eating experience -- as did a happy, harmonious atmosphere.

"Don't create an unpleasant atmosphere by criticising or reprimanding a child at the table,'' the nutritionist advised. "You need to find another time to discuss difficult issues.'' WHAT A BORE! If your cooking is putting your child to sleep, it's time to re-think the menus. In addition to being nutritionally balanced, children's meals should be appealing and tasty.