Books, Connecticut, 1998 *** Y'know, I understand that Bermudian authors are few and far between. However, there's nothing I hate worse than when foreign writers decide to publish a novel full of "intrigue, suspense and revenge'' using lovely Bermuda as a backdrop.

Because nine times out of ten, as is the case with The Voyage of the Encounter, they produce a terribly badly-written piece of pulp and manage to make Bermuda almost completely unrecognisable to a local.

Here's the plot: investment banker Peter Slade is arrested for insider trading by Flynn O'Grady, an agent for the Securities and Exchange Commission, and he assumes his life is over.

But then he's offered a deal and agrees to work as an undercover agent for the US government for the next five years and participate in one assignment.

During the next five years, Peter Slade gets married, buys an inn in Rhode Island and bides his time waiting to collect the money he's stashed away in the Bank of Bermuda.

But then the FBI comes calling and he's drafted into service, sailing in the Newport-Bermuda Ocean race and "hastening to keep his own date with destiny''.

Well, first of all, as soon as I heard those corny Dick Tracy-sounding names, I knew I was in for a real treat.

I know I can be a bit of a literary snob, but even taking that out the equation, the writing was pretty bad -- bad enough where I've got to quote it in order to prove it.

US attorney Don DiLorenzo states "I loaned you a half-mill from our confiscated drug money to use in blackmailing some damn Bermuda banker to get the list of all the American white-collar criminals who are hiding money in the Bank of Bermuda Limited, and what the hell have I got in return? One dead banker, a missing half-mil that you guys owe me, and some damn Inspector Whitehall of the Bermuda police demanding information that this might be part of the BCCI's operations while my computers in Washington are hot on an indictment of the former Secretary of Defense, Clark Clifford, in that case.'' And instead of trying to keep the audience's attention by writing well, this guy fills 434 pages with melodrama, supposedly "gritty'' language, and typing in CAPS to give the impression of EXCITEMENT, like someone's SHOUTING IN YOUR EAR! OH MY GOD! To make matters worse, we've got seagulls on Salt Kettle landing, freak storms that trap boat crews with a dozen black funnelled waterspouts "dancing across the ocean'' and "illegal activities sheltered by a confidential bank account in the Bank of Bermuda Limited.

Yikes. I'm sure the folks over at the Bank of Bermuda aren't particularly impressed, either. But leave it to the snotty writer at "The Bermuda Herald'' to criticise.

Kim Dismont Robinson BOOK REVIEW REV BOOKS BKS