throw in 24 hogsheads of wine (1,512 gallons) and what have you got? Apart from indigestion and a jumbo-size hangover, the answer is one of the biggest Christmas feasts on record; these were just some of the goodies ordered by King John's court in preparation for December 25th 1213.

It is quite probable that 1,500 guests sat down to the banquet and that some of them washed their food down with up to a gallon of liquor each ...

Now to the New World; Christmas dinner for US troops demands 2.4 million lbs of turkey, 1.1 million lbs of potatoes, 300,000 lbs of cranberry sauce and 300,000 lbs of fruitcake, and that is only for the servicemen stationed in America itself! They don't, as it happens, all sit down together in one place, yet this is exactly what happened when planemakers Boeing generously invited 100,152 people to a festive meal in Seattle. The event, which took place in mid-December 1979, ranks as the largest Christmas party ever staged.

A small army of staff are needed to do the hard work that makes such occasions go with a swing, and few have worked harder than Vincent Pilkington, of Cootehill in Co. Cavan. During December 1978 he became the fastest plucker in the world by dressing 100 turkeys in 7 hrs 32 minutes. His feat still stands unbeaten, according to the Guinness Book of Records.

So, too, does Australia's triumph in producing the largest-ever plum pudding; tipping the scales at well over one tonne, it took three weeks to prepare and was made in 1987 by the Herbert Adams company at Kensington in the Australian state of Victoria.

The biggest Christmas cracker on Earth was contrived in London, England, by staff at the Industrial Society's headquarters just four years ago. It measured 140ft in length -- only five feet shorter than Nelson's column! -- and with a seven-feet diameter was almost big enough to encase a mini.

No-one knows for sure who has given the costliest Christmas gift, but slimline singer/actress Cher's `little something' for her boyfriend -- a 100,000 Ferrari Testarossa in 1988, must be close to a modern record.

There is however no doubt about the largest number of Christmas cards sent by one person in a single festive season. During December 1975, Werner Erhard pumped out 62,824 from his home in San Francisco. No-one has sent more before or since.

The smallest greeting is reputedly the grain of rice given to the Prince of Wales in 1929 and inscribed `sincere Christmas greetings Even more trivia from the Joseph G Gillott Pen Co, London'. The largest is believed to have been one measuring 6ft by 4ft which was delivered to 10 Downing Street in 1968; it bore the message `Christmas greetings to Mr. Wilson on behalf of 2 million needy'.

More certain (at least on the subject of cards) is the identity of the biggest Christmas meanie! He was Lord Beaverbrook, who, as minister of supply, banned greetings cards in November 1941 as part of the wartime economy drive. His decision proved so unpopular that it was reversed two months later.

Many people tip the postman or woman who dutifully deliver their mail come rain or shine, yet few could equal the generosity of US newspaper tycoon Gordon Bennett, whose `Christmas box' to the conductor on the Paris-Monte Carlo express early this century was 2,000. If only as an exclamation of surprise, Bennett's name lives on! As indeed does Peter Pan; Sir James Barrie's play will be 91 years young this year. It already has the laurels as the most-loved, least-changed pantomime.

The nicest Christmas record of all, in fact ...