being stumped when they were asked who the new Government dog warden was.

But Hester, who taped the three-hour TV marathon because of her busy social calendar, thought the most inventive answer came from one student who ventured that Terry Lister had the job.

And she couldn't help thinking that the student's team should have received at least one bonus point for inventiveness, as Mr. Lister is the Development, Opportunity and Government Services Minister, known as DOGS in Government circles.

But with rumours of a Cabinet shuffle swirling around, perhaps the student knew more than he was letting on... Incidentally, Clearwater Middle School got the correct answer -- the new warden is Jeffrey Benevides , who replaced Shinah Simons , who is now responsible for catching straying students instead of pets as Chief Truancy Officer for the schools.

While Hester is on the subject of education, as she mingled among the crowd enjoying pre-show drinks at the Stanley Turrentine jazz concert at CedarBridge Academy, her eagle eye was drawn to a noticeboard proclaiming the school's commitment to academic excellence.

It proclaimed proudly: "I have a dream it will become the creme de la creme''. A laudable aim -- but its impact was somewhat deflated by another notice a few feet away inviting children to the "Shool Dance party''.

It's been a long time -- well, not that long -- since Hester attended skool but she's pretty sure you don't spell it shool.

The last thing Hester wants is a turf war with Ann Landers (we lady columnists must stick together, you know) but she in a position to offer aid and comfort to Jermaines everywhere who fear the sharp tongue of Texas.

Some weeks back, Hester reported the ultimate Pickled Onion put-down after a would-be suitor got a little bit pushy with two elegant blondes having a tete-a-tete at the bar ("Hi, I'm Jermaine'' -- "Not to this conversation, hon.'').

Hester has since been plagued by equally elegant blondes with North American accents complaining that the chaps -- especially those called Jermaine -- are a bit nervous around them and checking where they're from for fear of meeting the social equivalent of the Alamo.

Now the mystery Texpat has come out of the cactus, or whatever greenery they have in the Lone Star State, with simple country e-mail advice for "socially inconvenienced Canadian and American blondes and innocent Jermaines of all nationalities''.

The e-mail -- signed The Texan Blonde, who hails from a state which apparently regards the rest of the US as a sort of suburb -- said: "Never ask someone if they're from Texas, 'cuz if they are, they'll let you know. If they're not, well then, there ain't no sense in embarrassin' them.'' Hester sincerely hopes that this helps -- although to be honest, she doubts it.

But Texan blondes aren't the only mystery ladies in Bermuda -- Hester also shuns the limelight, preferring to turn it instead on the allegedly great and good. And speaking of the great and good, she's more than happy to back up the former Editor of this illustrious organ, David L. White , that he is not Hester nor associated with her in any way, shape or form. As Hester never tires of pointing out, she's all woman.

It appears Family Court magistrate Carlisle Greaves is fed up with surly teens sauntering into his court with their hands in their pockets.

The burly lawman's hard stare was enough to force one youth to put his hands by his side.

Then, looking directly at the teen in front of him who had just admitted swiping a TV and video, Mr. Greaves quipped: "I don't know why all these teenager's hands are so heavy.

"Particularly in your case, you seem quite light-fingered.'' We may never know what the final bill was but the Corporation of Hamilton must be commended for the fine work being completed at Nellie's Walk outside City Hall.

That well-travelled area was well past its prime when last December workmen began pulling the weeds and ripping up the broken paving stones.

Corporation mouthpiece Roger Sherratt explained then that the work was to beautify the seat of City government -- and to stop people from parking in front of one of the Island's most distinctive buildings.

But while the City's pay and display parking system is running well, with everyone scratching and posting their parking cards, it always distresses Hester that some people believe they are special and don't have to participate.

On Monday -- the first day the western gate to the front entrance of City Hall was open to traffic -- a certain businessman was seen alighting from a big, black 4x4 vehicle.

It's bad enough that delivery men continue to park in front rather than use the service entrance at the rear, but the businessman -- a heavy lifter -- did not even glance at the building once dubbed `the white elephant''.

He walked southward to Church Street and disappeared to the west.

Maybe now traffic wardens will strike at those who are cheating on contributions to city coffers.

The mystery surrounding just who that controversial letter-penning Expat CEO actually is has led to speculation of just about every senior executive who has been on the Island for 20 years.

As gossip gathers pace, almost every CEO has been vigorously defending himself.

In fact Brian O'Hara -- President and CEO of XL Capital -- is so sick of being accused of writing the controversial letter to the editor, that he set the record straight in front of over 100 guests of the Bermuda Insurance Institute.

"And by the way, I am not that expat CEO,'' he said in his acceptance speech for "Market Leader of the Year Award'' at the Hamilton Princess last Saturday night.

This comment just sparked further speculation among the business elite who attended the black tie dinner dance. At least Ernie Stempel, who got a Lifetime Achievement Award, who is into his sixth decade, is above suspicion from the gossip mongers.

Terry Lister: Minister, Not warden of DOGS Brian O'Hara: CEO of XL, not Expat CEO' David L. White: Former Royal Gazette Editor, but not Hester