Warwick East MP Dale Butler will act as moderator on Thursday when the topic of raising boys is addressed at a forum at St. Mary's Church Hall at 8.00 p.m..

The Government backbencher, former school principal and father of two teenage boys comes with plenty of experience on the issue. A diverse group of panelists -- including Psychologist Dr. Wells Hively, Alvin Goldbourne who runs a father's group, Laverne Furbert, who raised two sons as a single mother, Wayne Caines and Police Commissioner and father of three Jonathan Smith -- will provide input on the topic. Another Psychologist, Dr. Leonard Astwood, will also be participating in the discussion.

"We're hoping to highlight those Bermuda secrets that have worked for Bermudians in raising their sons and get a clear definition of what the problem is and what direction we should be headed in,'' said Mr. Butler, who is organising the forum.

"In that light, for the second panel who are going to speak for five or ten minutes, I've invited along people who are already working with boys, someone from the Family Learning Centre, Care Computers, Youth Net to name a few. They are going to give an introduction to what they are doing and hand out resource material.

"The Children's Bookstore, in particular, has brought in a set of books that will assist parents, while all of the libraries are putting on book displays highlighting the information that has been written about raising boys.'' Mr. Butler said the forum will be the first Q. Charles Bean Memorial Lecture and awards will be given to two community groups in Warwick who are working with young people.

One book that will be available for purchase on the night is Australian Steven Biddulph's book "Raising Boys''.

Mr. Butler anticipates a huge turnout, judging by the response he has received personally.

"I've had over 100 e-mails, faxes and least 20 people who suddenly wanted to speak,'' he revealed.

"I have videotaped at least eight people who have shared from the Bermuda perspective some of the things they have done with their families which will be shared on video on the night.'' Mr. Butler and his wife Dr. June Hill raised two sons, a 17-year-old in school in Wales and a 14-year-old at Warwick Academy.

"In my particular instance we had a plan and part of our plan was to ensure that we utilised all of our family resources, aunts, uncles, in-laws and the church to be a part of the total package,'' said Mr. Butler.

"We tried to keep our kids busy so that they wouldn't have much time to be idle. We also took advantage of many free activities that existed and we budgeted for those others.

"We placed guarantees with our kids that one of us would always be at every function that they ever had. Those are guarantees that we both always met, as busy as we are.'' Ms. Furbert also raised two sons, but in her case it was as a single parent.

"Obviously it was a challenge but I had a plan in mind for myself, plus I had the support of my extended family,'' she stated.

"They have a father but they didn't have a father in the home. Having two parents in the home is ideal but how many of us have the ideal situation? "Both of my sons are single parents, too, and from my example they realise the important thing is to spend time with your children and do things with them. There's no reason to be an absentee father.'' Ms. Furbert added: "My advice to parents is to hang in there with your children. Some of them will go through rebellious stages but the importance is to be firm. "I have talked to a lot of parents who told me they are getting ready to give up on their child but my advice is `no, hang in there with them, set your guidelines and rules'. They have come back to me and said `I'm glad I listened to you'.'' Dr. Hively, a Psychologist at Ashton and Associates, has plenty of experience in the field, though he is still learning about the Bermudian culture.

"I've only been here 18 months, so my knowledge and concerns about boys really don't come yet from Bermuda,'' said Dr. Hively, who also works at the Family Learning Centre.

"I'm too new to Bermuda to tell Bermudians how to raise their kids. I've worked for many years with young people in the United States and the thing that is most important in my mind is that we've got the ages all wrong.

"We seem to think that very young boys, from when they are born to five or six, `belong' to their mothers and the fathers don't become interested in their kids until they are big enough to throw a ball.

"I think it should be the other way around, that fathers should begin to attach to their boys right at the very beginning, that that early attachment is what steadies a boy.'' Dr. Hively says the longer a father waits to connect to a son the more difficult it is on the child.

"If you're not attached when you are very small then you don't grow up with a conscience,'' he stated.

Dr. Astwood says boys are raised differently than girls. "We don't teach our boys to deal with their emotions so anger is not expressed in a way that is healthy,'' said Dr. Astwood, also of the Family Learning Centre.

"Instead of teaching our boys to deal with hurt that comes before anger, we instead encourage them to jump to the anger phase. So if somebody does something that offends them or hurts them, instead of feeling sad, hurt or otherwise they are taught to go to anger and to defend their honour.

"Women and girls learn that a lot better, they are more relational. The messages we give in the community is that boys don't cry.'' The Raising Boys Forum is open to the public and copies of Mr. Biddulph's book will be available for purchase.