pleasant experience. Alas, Bermuda appears to be another world when it comes to this tasty subject.

For starters, Hester's sources told her the tacky tale of four top US travel and conventions planners who escorted a group of IBM execs here. Having a night off, the quartet decided to dine at posh Horizons (part of the exclusive Coral Beach Club group of properties). Supper was indeed sumptuous, but when the bill came, a waiter with a terribly stiff upper lip informed the men, referring to the credit card he was presented with "We don't take these, Sir.'' Scrambling for another credit card, one of the gentlemen produced American Express, a Visa, MasterCard, even Diner's Club, but to no avail.

"Sir we do not take any credit cards,'' sniffed the waiter. Apparently, for some strange reason this is the antiquated policy at all the Coral Beach properties. Hester is told the poor men had to scrounge in their pockets and wash the Wedgwood china to come up with the right money. Guess they will not be returning! But moving on to the main course, a good friend of Hester's decided to try out the new Bouquet Garni (the old Halfway House) restaurant in Flatts Village.

Arriving at the door, the first thing out of anyone's mouth was `please excuse me so I can put the specials board in place'. The couple moved a little to the left and patiently waited to be seated, and eventually, were shown to a small table (with a dirty table cloth). Seconds later, just as they were perusing the menu, the waitress returned to tell them, `sorry this table is booked, you will have to leave'. With that the couple made a hasty retreat, never to return either.

But the creme-de-la-creme was in Town, which was apparently inundated with hundreds of convention group members on the dine-around programme.

Hester was savouring a plate of smoked eel when the sushi hit the fan at the Harbourfront . It appeared that some 22 people from the CCH Group booked at the Front Street eatery got a little impatient at the fact it was 9.30 and they had been waiting over an hour for their main course. When God forbid, they asked the waiter where it might be, the obviously flustered fellow responded by flinging a glass of wine across the room and smack into a wall. A heated exchange followed, and some frightened customers made a hasty exit, while others, like Hester and Sen. Milton Scott, who happened to be at a table nearby, sat in disbelief. Needless to say, the 22 refused to pay their bill, let alone the tip, and promptly left.

Now that's food for thought.

Wedding-goers at a St. Paul's Church , Paget ceremony last Saturday, to which Hester had occasion to attend, literally had to sing -- or hum -- for their suppers when the church organist failed to show up. Guests were all in place when the Rector, shortly before the bride was due to walk down the aisle, announced that there would be no organ music as the organist was, well, nowhere to be found. An unfazed congregation hummed the Wedding March as the presumably joyful bride walked in accompanied by her father and then belted out two hymns without accompaniment.

The bride and groom were accompanied out of the church to rousing applause.

Hester has a few juicy tidbits to add to the bizarre cash pledge by billionaire resident John Deuss for Government to buy a ritzy new Tourism HQ, which the Premier initially slyly denied. Tourism Minister David Allen's gift of the gab appears to have landed him in hot water over it all. Hester hears it was Allen who put Deuss up to the oily job of sniffing for funds for the $5-million "Cragmore'' on Pitts Bay Road from his international business pals. However the Minister made the cheeky move without first getting clearance from the Finance Ministry. Now she hears Finance top brass are more than a little peeved at his unauthorised house hunting efforts.

Hester's newsroom friends think folks over over at the SUNshine tabloid have it easy. They don't have to spend countless hours in the courtrooms and Parliament and they only have two deadlines a week. Perhaps that's why they have time to hang out on street corners polling folk on such trivialities as a new slogan for the top of the front page, as in The New York Times' famous "All the news that's fit to print''.

One of Hester's hack colleagues was approached on Monday by a pollster innocently looking for public input on a few suggested slogans to presumably replace its current one, along the rather dull lines of "News you can trust'' and "News for all of us''. Hester's pal said he liked neither of the obviously favour-currying sayings, seeing nothing wrong with the cute "A Friend to de Community''. Of course, The Gazette has no slogan of its own, but perhaps it's time it gets one if only to keep up with the Jones. Hester thinks "De People's Paper'' would be most appropriate. And perhaps she'll take to the streets too to see how folks like it.

So Premier Jennifer Smith faces a PLP leadership challenge this fall, with green minister Arthur Hodgson and big cars, fast ferries & high flying minister Ewart Brown circling like vultures. Personally though, Hester's more interested in elections closer to home. She hears the Old Town of St. George's may too have a hot election on its hands come fall. Word has it Mayor Lois Perinchief is ready to hand in her robe and Hester hears the popular Town Crier E. Michael Jones is the favourite to take her place. But her Town square sources say he may face challenges from Ross Smith and restaurateur Chris West .

Hester hears a visiting academic caused a stink this week with his views on the personal hygene of our colonial overlords. Oliver Headley of the University of the West Indies in Barbados was attending a conference on renewable energy at the Bermuda Biological Centre for Research in Hester's neighbourhood on Tuesday when he was asked how much a sustainable water heating system would cost. His ripe riposte was: "It depends. American gentlemen bathe three times a day with hot water whereas Englishmen don't bathe at all!'' Dr. Headley's remarks went down well with the audience, as did those of BBCS director Dr. Tony Knap during a duscussion on solar cars: "I love the idea of a solar car in London. It would go for about three feet.'' Oh, the poor British! VSB News big shot Bryan Darby (in)famously admitted recently that he can't be sure that around a fifth of his stories are 100 percent true but he runs them anyway. Last night's VSB TV news lead seems to have fallen into the one in five category. It claimed The Royal Gazette 's very own political reporter Raymond Hainey had had his work permit turned down. "Immigration sources'' told the station the Immigration Board alone had taken the decision, and insisted there had been no political interference. However, we were breathlessly told by "VSB action news'' that Cabinet ministers were asked their opinions before the application went before the board. And the UBP Opposition, the station reported, are sure to claim Hainey's rejection was due to a witchunt against the man the PLP loves to hate.

Sounds like a great story. Unfortunately, it's completely untrue, or in the words of the gruff Scotsman "complete b******s.'' Hester can reliably inform the public that Hainey's work permit was, in fact, renewed earlier this year, but he has since decided to leave on his own accord because he has found a plum job in Australia. Ever a stickler for fairness, Hainey called the station midway through the broadcast to ask for a correction, pointing out that the PLP did not deserve to be wrongly accused of booting him off the Island for political reasons. Alas, the headline was repeated at the end of the broadcast. (PS. Mr. Hainey has been here for four and a half years, not six.)