ago - just six weeks after they began dating seriously. They had met about a year before that and shared many mutual interests outside of their jobs. James is a little more than 10 years older than John.

Both have had gay relationships in the past, although John had also had a few relationships with women, including one very serious relationship. James, on the other hand, says he has never has been sexually active with a woman, although he has had close friendships with women.

For James, this is by far the most important relationship he has ever had, and says he has gained more from his partnership with John than with any previous lover. The same holds true for John. "We have stability and maturity, and between us we have an extremely substantial friendship,'' John says. "It's more than just a relationship, we're very close friends,'' says James, who is self-employed. "I think I've become a much stronger person because of (John).

I've learned about to be more assertive.'' "Maybe we do better as a couple than other gays because the fact that we're gay doesn't come first. Our friendship does. We're committed to each other in every way. And there's not a single feeling of distrust. I have had a few substantial relationships in which I felt threatened.'' John, employed in a local company, has never discussed his sexuality openly with his parent although he is certain they know and accept that he is gay.

And as far as `coming out' to friends, John says he only tells people he feels he can trust. If people confront him with the fact that he is gay, he simply tells them it's none of their business.

James, who seems much more open about his sexuality, has been included in all of John's family functions. "My life is my own and they know that,'' says John. "I told them that I'm not to be involved in drugs, alcohol, or anything like that.'' But James, on the other hand, had a slightly tougher time with his parents, at least with his father.

"I knew fairly early on, when I was about seven, I think, that I was different, that I was gay, although I didn't really know what gay was. I knew I had to conceal it. I wasn't an aggressive child.

"To go back a bit, my relationship with my father I think is important. I only told them last year ... actually my father brought it up after I started living with John. He said my mother was concerned about what was going on. So I told them. I thought my relationship was substantial enough that I was ready to tell them.

"One of the first things my father said was: `You can't be like that, you have to change back.' Then he threatened to throw me out of his house. Then he told me I was going to lose all of my business, but I've been upfront with all my clients.

"My mother was wonderful. She said she didn't know, but I think she did, maybe not consciously. She said she didn't love me any less, but it wasn't what was normal to her.

"My father was absolutely awful. He still is in his own quiet way. But he's outnumbered. The neighbours know, all our friends know, and some of my parents friends know, and to us it's not a big issue. "I think before I told my parents, I was scared about anybody finding out, and about the fact that my actions were criminal. But as soon as they knew, the overriding threat was removed. Now I don't have a problem with telling people. I don't come out and tell just anybody, but my friends know and they're comfortable with it, whether they agree with it or not. I think we've made them feel comfortable.

We're comfortable with ourselves.

"I suppose if there's anyone on the Island who should be taking a position on this, I should elect myself. I can't lose my job, because I'm self employed and all the people who matter to me already know I'm gay.'' RG MAGAZINE MARCH 1993