Dear Annie: About ten years ago, my brother, "Sam", stopped speaking to me. The reason was that he set me up with his best friend when I was 18, but after two years together, I realised it wasn't going anywhere and broke it off. Sam went ballistic on me: I broke up with the greatest guy in the world. Nobody else would ever want me. I hurt his best friend, and he could never trust me again.

Four years ago, Sam informed me via certified letter that he was getting married and if I set one foot inside the church, he would call the police. I sent him a gift, and it took eight months before I received a thank-you note from his wife, a woman I've never met.

Last month, I sent my brother an e-mail asking if we could let the past rest because I was getting married and wanted him to be a part of my big day. I got the most awful response. He said the world would be a better place if I just stopped living, that nobody loved me and that I was a vile human being. He even went to my fiancé's office to tell him how awful I am in the hope that he'd dump me. Thankfully, my fiance laughed it off.

My parents keep saying Sam will come around, but after ten years, I doubt it. To top it off, my parents are so worried about upsetting Sam (They are afraid he'll keep them from seeing the grandchildren.) that they are not planning to attend my wedding, either. Why can't my brother get past this? — Midwest

Dear Midwest: Sam sounds mentally ill. His reaction to your break-up with his best friend was completely irrational, and the fact that it has lasted ten years is a grudge out of all proportion. It's a shame your parents feel blackmailed into appeasing him. You cannot make this better on your own. We hope you have wonderful in-laws who will fill the void.

Dear Annie: I have been married to "Joe" for two years. We were both widowed for several years before that. Joe sold his house and moved into mine. I have tried to make him feel that this is his home, too, but I get very little financial help from him.

Joe has been unemployed for a year, but even when he was working, the most he contributed each month was $400. I recently found out that he is still giving money to his 32-year-old daughter, who is also unemployed. He has also put her name on everything, so that in the event of his death, she inherits all he owns.

Did I mention that there is no sex anymore because Joe says his blood pressure medication prevents it? After re-reading this letter, I guess I don't need your advice. I am filing for divorce on Monday. — Older and Wiser

Dear Older: Well, okay then. Glad we could help clarify your thoughts.

Dear Annie: I laughed at the letter from "Alone in Casper", who boasts that he is a gourmet cook, cleans the bathroom and plans to stay put in his "conservative community", and then disses women his own age for their interest in crafts and their families. He's been divorced twice and prides himself on not "lowering his standards".

Reading between the lines, I'm willing to bet this gasbag is a fussy, territorial neat-freak who would make Felix Unger look like a hobo. As for his ill-concealed bitterness toward women his age, why, how dare they occupy themselves with their gardens and grandbabies instead of with him!

I'm sure he is involved in theatrical events — as long as he gets to play the lead. He might appear to be a nice catch, but he sounds like a crusty old crab to me. — Queen Tut.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. E-mail questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.