It may be used as a last resort, but sometimes foster care can be a saving grace.

That is what it was for one young Bermudian woman, whose two-year experience in foster care was so positive that today she is a foster parent herself.

The woman, who asked to be identified as "Nicole", was placed into foster care when she was about 11 years old.

"It was basically due to my mother not having the resources to take care of me," she said. "She's not a bad mother, not every child is in foster care because of bad parenting. A lot of them just don't have the resources to take care of their children."

Nicole was originally placed with relatives until her mother could care for her, she said. "But there was some sexual abuse there, so it was deemed unsafe for me to be there."

So she was moved to the last resort: the foster care programme.

"I was a very, extremely frightened little girl ? very shy and frightened because of what I'd encountered. If my natural family could abuse me, maybe my foster parents could.

"But my foster parents were very patient in the adjustment process."

The relationship Nicole had with her foster parents may well have saved her self-image, particularly after her bout with sexual abuse.

"Foster parents need to understand they are not just foster parents, they help the healing process. I had to go to counselling and it didn't really help ... I can't even remember what I said, it didn't make an impression on me.

"It all starts at home, definitely."

Her foster father in particular played a large part. "His sisters would take a day of beauty and he'd say, 'Take Nicole', and I would go along with them and do the nails and so on. He was trying to instil a sense of self-esteem, he didn't want me to have an image or a complex ? oh, here I go," she laughed, reaching for tissues.

"He always made me feel like a princess, he made me feel safe ... It made a tremendous difference, especially now. It (the sexual abuse) doesn't cause any issues in my marriage at all.

"When I look back, I see that there was so much stability ... Not to say if you are a single mother you are inept, but it was nice having a mother and a father present ... They were Christians, they taught me a lot about that. They taught me how to be a lady, how to express myself.

In fact, Nicole's bond with her foster parents was so strong that, despite a powerful love for her mother, today she wishes she could have stayed in foster care.

"A parent should never really feel threatened if the child wishes to remain in that care. It doesn't mean they love the parent any less, it just means they like that situation more.

"Things were better when I left regarding my mother being able to care for me. But I knew the difference ... I think there would've been a lot of different priorities.

"When I was 18 my mother said it was time for a job, an apartment. I wanted to go to school, but that was how she was raised.

"But I have a good, healthy relationship with my mother. She's a very good mother, there were just certain things she wasn't able to give."

Now, her mother is also a proud "grandmother" of sorts ? of a little boy that Nicole and her husband are now fostering.

The decision to become a foster parent herself was an easy one for Nicole. "I had such a good experience. I received a tremendous amount of love and attention, and I wanted to give that back to a child.

"Also, my husband and I desire to have kids, but it's been a challenging process. So, we figured there are so many children out there that need to be loved so much, and we had so much love in us, why not give it out to those that need it.

"It was never an issue with my husband. He wanted the idea of having children in the house. And now that he (the foster child, who Nicole nicknamed 'little Johnny') is there, they've bonded so much, it's frightening.

"He gets smothered in hugs and kisses, he's got that way about him, he's got this big cheeks. He's bonding to our extended family too. That's another thing that nerves me."

Little Johnny clings to Nicole and her husband, she said, leading her to worry what will happen if he is eventually returned to his family.

Fortunately, when a foster child is returned to their natural home, Family Services ensures the connection is not immediately severed to prevent the emotional devastation that can occur.

Nicole, however, hopes she and her husband can keep little Johnny forever. "There's no shame in giving up your right (to be a parent to your child) if you feel you can't be there emotionally, or don't want to be there. You don't want to drag your child through that, that's unfair.

"It's better for the child to be with a family that's going to love and nurture him."

She also knows, however, that her desire to keep Johnny has to come from the right intentions. "You have to make sure it's love, not an obsession. Because I love this child, I want him to have his natural parents ... Him going back would not anger me, but him going back into the same situation, after all the effort, all we've given him ? that would anger me.

"Not that I wouldn't miss the heck out of him, because I would."

Being a foster parent is not for everyone, she said. "Don't think because you're a parent, you can be a foster parent ... You have to be open-minded and flexible, patient, loving. You can't treat foster children the same as your other children, they are coming from different backgrounds."

Foster parents also have to realise they are not working in isolation, but are part of a larger system of foster care, she agreed.

But would she recommend it? "Definitely, definitely.

"In fact, with what we've done, a man at my husband's job has decided to become a foster parent.

"It causes a rippling effect. People want to help children.

"I hope one day we can have him forever."