After years virtually fighting in the wilderness family group Childwatch is sensing a breakthrough as it campaigns for divorced fathers to be given equal access to their children.In the past two weeks alone they have held meetings with Social Rehabilitation Minister Dale Butler and Attorney General Phil Perinchief.

Childwatch president Eddie Fisher is calling for Bermuda to follow Australia and ditch biased courts in favour of impartial mediation.

He said the US, Canada and Britain were all moving that way because of the obvious benefits.

Instead of both parents wasting thousands of dollars on lawyers stirring up trouble in an adversarial setting which only prolongs the pain, an amicable resolution can be found in a more passive setting, believes Mr. Fisher.

With litigation the interests of the child were being lost amid the rancour — sometimes jilted mothers tried to cut out the father as an act of revenge said Mr. Fisher who said mothers often demonstrated ownership traits to their offspring.

“The child becomes a weapon in the fight. The mother feels the new lady in her ex-husband’s life will not be involved with ‘her’ child.

“There’s another scenario where the mother gets another man and sets about installing the new partner as the ‘father’. It’s child alienation. This is very, very damaging to the child — it’s a form of child abuse.”

He said most of the custody cases going through Supreme Court resulted in parents being given joint custody but it can prove virtually meaningless, argues Mr. Fisher, because the real factor is who gets care and control.

That parent — in almost every case the mother — will decide schooling, medical treatment, religion and every other aspect of the child’s life without consultation, while the father might not even get a chance to see his child’s school report, even if he’s paying the fees.

“You find men leave the court happy to have joint custody. But it’s only of value if the mother gives up custody or, unfortunately, the mother dies.

“Joint custody sounds good but what happens is you spend a great deal of money but you have actually been eradicated from the child’s life because joint custody has nothing to do with the time you spend.

“You could have joint custody with the mother having care and control but you may only have one day every two weeks with your child.”

He has yet to hear of a case where care and control had been given to the father — unless the mother was proven unfit through drugs, alcohol or just didn’t want the child.

“There’s an inherent bias in the system. The mindset is — only a mother can raise the child.”

A recent survey of both men and women conducted by ChildWatch revealed massive disillusionment among fathers who felt, no matter what they did, they would only be asked to pay for their child’s upkeep without getting the chance to raise their child.

“Men are regarded as an ATM machine rather than a parent.” That attitude did nothing to endear the father to his child said Mr. Fisher.

“Fathers are unilaterally made in essence to be third-rate parents after divorce or separation. They are alienated from their child in many ways.”He said there were numerous cases of clean living healthy fathers told they could only spend a tiny amount of time with their kids, said Mr. Fisher who revealed one judge had awarded full custody and control to a mother, despite competing claims from a worthy father, after a lawyer said the pair didn’t get along. “What couple who are divorcing are getting along?”

Even if the mother died or gave up custody the responsibility for rearing the child would go to the grandmother.

“This man is very, very keen to be a father. To take away the right to joint custody is paramount to saying you are a low life. It’s a very serious thing.”Rampant sexism from some of the judiciary also meant fathers were squeezed financially even when the mother was better able to pay.Sometimes mothers were even urged to make ill-founded child abuse accusations against their ex-partner to bolster their case, claimed Mr. Fisher.

Male judges and magistrates had exhibited an even worse bias against men than their female colleagues, said Mr. Fisher.

However he praised magistrate Juan Wolffe for adopting a different approach, with both men and women praising the way he has helped calm long running feuds in a single sitting.

“He’s had a great deal of compliments in the way he’s been dealing with it. He has a fresh mindset.”

And he said Dale Butler’s interest had given the group a massive boost although other politicians were also showing support.

“I think we have gone further in the last month than in the last eight years of our existence.”

There are solutions even for the perennial problem of family splits said Mr. Fisher.

“The solution is to remove it from the courts which is very burdened with criminal cases.”

Mediation panels could be trained in gender sensitivity and dispute resolution issues and to work out what’s best for the child, as in Australia.

Children would end up feeling loved by both their mother and father but the consequences of continuing with the old failing system have devastating long-term consequences.

Childwatch has gathered a large body of research of the effect of fatherless households, albeit US cases.

It includes:

• ]90 percent of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
• 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes.
• 71 percent of pregnant teens lack a father
• 90 percent of adolescent repeat arsonists live with their mother
• 75 percent of prisoners grew up without a father

Despite concern over mistreatment of males his group is not totally pro-male and Mr. Fisher readily admits there is a culture among some men that having as many children as possible is macho.

And always placing a child with the mother while denying meaningful access to the father also harms other women family members, pointed out Mr. Fisher who said a grandmother’s group is being set up for those denied access to their grandchildren.