PLP's Wayne Perinchief: Soldiered on; UBP's Cole Simons: Led the debate on raw sex by young teens.

THE House on the Hill so far this summer session seems to be ticking along quite nicely, thank you, Mr. Editor.

The record shows we've met a total of five times since resuming on May 18 -- following an eight-week Easter lay-off -- and on only one occasion have we gone beyond 7.30 in the evening.

Twice, Mr. Editor, we even finished shortly after five o'clock (and please, sir, no cracks about what a cushy 10 to 5 job we have with an hour and a half off for lunch).

The one Friday we went until just about the midnight hour was the great take-note CURE debate (on racism, not insomnia) followed swiftly by the Cole Simons-led debate on raw sex by young teens in our schools which, actually, sir, was a call for a Parliamentary committee to investigate the challenges facing our young people which the Government in its wisdom rejected and turned into, no, not a pumpkin, Cinderella, but yet another take-note debate.

You may wonder, Mr. Editor, how it is that we are now moving at such a sensible, good clip. You remember something about proposed changes to the rules of the House on the Hill, do you? Thinking maybe they've been implemented? No, Mr. Editor, not so. They were merely sent to the Rules and Privileges Committee for consideration -- and not a peep has been heard since.

Yes, that's right, Mr. Editor, the Committee rules and that's its privilege.

So to what good fortune do we owe this change in speed? In a Chamber, incidentally, Mr. Editor, where sound travels faster than light (unless, of course, you happen to be the speaker and the sound is muffled, on occasion, and you're blinded by the light).

The answer: We haven't had that much to do and what we have had hasn't been that earth-shattering -- um um, island-shattering, I should say, huh? Who among us remembers Friday Number 1 when we returned fresh from our Spring Break and roared into the 21st century with the following measures: The Government purchase of a small piece of property near St. Monica's Mission; amendments to the Public Health Act and to the Motorcycle and Auxiliary Bicycles Act; followed by the referral of proposed changes to the rules.

I don't think, Mr. Editor, that there was any disagreement that day and we were out by supper at 7.30. All very civilised, don't you think? Friday 2 and we were out just after five. That day we prohibited gaming machines -- but not until July 1, 2004 -- followed by amendments to the Evidence Act to permit electronic recording in the courts for whenever that's ready to roll. Yes, there was some disagreement that day: The Opposition tried to make the prohibition effective January 1, 2002 and it failed by a 16 to 9 vote.

Friday 3 saw the take-note debates of which we already took note, Mr. Editor.

Friday 4 everybody got to home just around five. There was very little on the agenda that day -- fees amendments for surveyors, changes to the Public Funds Act and a sale of property on Marsh Folly Road -- which Government did well to strettttttttch out until after the luncheon interval.

Friday 5 brings us up to last week, the highlight of which was what occurred outside rather than inside when hundreds of angry teachers exercised their feet and their voices and marched on the House on the Hill.

Very few members were actually in their seats when the congregation arrived on the western steps. We were outside, most of us, watching in awe. The one MP who couldn't was PLP backbencher Wayne Perinchief who had to soldier on with a near empty chamber (room, that is) and the interesting thing was, Mr. Editor, he started before the teachers arrived on the Hill and he was still speaking after they dispersed.

I assume he was reassured to learn later, when he was told what went on, that it wasn't anything he said that made them come or go.

BUT it was the kind of performance any leader would like to be able to count on from a good trooper on the backbench. We had under debate amendments to the Prison Act -- which will permit the release of prisoners during imprisonment for training and educational programmes -- and Government was looking to showcase its war on recidivism.

That, and the fact Mr. Editor that there wasn't much else on the agenda. That morning we approved a Parks Notice which formally brought into the parks system four tracts of land that had been acquired under the previous Government aka the UBP.

Once again, Government managed to strettttttch out a debate on which there was agreement -- to occasional shouts of "filibuster'' from the Opposition -- to make it seem like a full day. We made it home for sup' just after seven.

I am pleased to report, sir, that there was no more buffoonery on Friday 5.

Call it High 5 Friday, dear readers, and I did rather like and remember this clever exchange during the prison release debate: "I once was in prison for a period of eight weeks,'' confessed the PLP's Dale Butler -- pausing for effect -- and then adding: "... as a counsellor.'' As the Butler paused for further effect, one wag from the Opposition benches shouted into the silence and served up this beaut: "Yeah, yeah, Mr. Speaker, that's what they all say.'' It was all too much for another who cried: "Mr. Speaker, what about a day release from up here?'' Is this as good as gets? Maybe, Mr. Editor, maybe. Looking ahead, next up are contributory pension amendments, a protected national parks notice for the railway trail, and minor changes to the Psychological Practitioners Act, all of which look very much like legislative housekeeping. We'll be watching to see how a meal is made of that.

Meanwhile, the very serious motion on the Report of the Commission into Serious Crimes continues to sit and languish on the order paper. The powers that be in the PLP still haven't given the mover (but not shaker) backbencher Perinchief permission to proceed -- and he tabled it for debate, can you believe it, back on November 3 in the year 2000 AD.

Meanwhile, the fact that it just sits on the agenda prevents the rest of us from taking it up and discussing the contents.

Mr. Editor, in the words of Yogi Berra (no, not the cartoon bear, Boo Boo) the baseball player who attacked the English language as famously as he did the rawhide: "I may not know exactly where we're going,'' he is alleged to told his companions while behind the wheel and obviously lost, "but we're making good time.'' Sign me: John Barritt B.A. B.J.(Hons.) LL.B. JP MP.