An increasing number of abusive men are making the first move to change their ways by picking up the phone and admitting they need help.The Centre Against Abuse is answering the phone to a “significant rise” in men who are eager to blurt out the ultimate confession: “I need help.”Staff estimate they have taken about 100 calls from men voluntarily seeking counselling since the beginning of the year.The men, who are aged from teenagers to their 60s, have decided to step forward even though their partners are too scared to report them.Rosana Vickers, programme director at the Centre Against Abuse, said: “We’re definitely seeing more men coming forward. The first words they say are: ‘I need help’. “They are individuals who are seeking help for themselves, they are coming forward of their own accord.“It just seems to hit them that they want to put an end to abusive situations as they realise what they are doing is wrong.“Their wives haven’t reported them and there are no court orders forcing them to act. These are often men who are making phone calls in secret.”Whether these men admit to being physically or verbally abusive, they are offered counselling with charity staff “helping each person on an individual basis”.This includes addressing why someone is abusive and how they can learn to control their anger in different ways.The end result is often “a success story” where couples manage to work through their issues and make their relationships work. Mrs Vickers said: “Some men say they have ruined so many relationships because they are continually abusive and they are tired of the same thing happening.“They fear what is going to happen all over again and they say they really want this relationship to work. We do what we can to make that happen, we give them the help they need.”The domestic abuse charity believes boys learn their abusive tendencies at an early age as they are being raised “without knowing what it means to be a man”.Staff say it is “a growing concern” that boys think they become men for materialistic and sexual reasons, rather than “having the morals and values of a real gentleman”.Mrs Vickers said: “Some men don’t know any different, they think this behaviour is normal. It really is unbelievable what men have grown up thinking.“Children are growing up with no idea what it means to be a man, their views are based on ignorance. We have to physically teach them, we have to start from scratch.“They think being man is all about how many girlfriends you have, how many women you can sleep with, how much jewellery you wear, and how many fear you.“We teach them that a real man is responsible, takes care of his family and children and it’s okay for them to show their emotions.”The Centre Against Abuse, which has been going strong for more than 30 years, is currently organising events to mark Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.The charity prides itself on being proactive and going out into the community to educate people about abuse before it actually happens. They have visited salons, prisons, schools, police stations and the King Edward VII Memorial Hospital to warn people to look out for the telltale signs of abuse.For further information e-mail info[AT]centreagainstabuse.bm or visit www.abusefree.orgThe Centre Against Abuse runs a 24-hour hotline on 297-8278 and a men’s crisis hotline on 332-1293.