My team, Baltimore Blast, had a break from games this week. We lost our game last weekend against Philadephia Kixx at home in front of a great crowd.

We came out slow and allowed Philly to go into the half with a lead of 8-2. As much as we tried to come back in the second half it was too late and not enough as Philly continued to apply pressure.

This week's break allowed me to come back to Bermuda and do some work with the Hope4Life programme and meet with staff on details for the ISL for 2009.

This week's column comes from a former professional player I know from playing for the past 17 years.

He's a man that understands struggle and what it's like to have the world in his hands just to watch it disappear.

David, thank you for allowing me to speak in your column. I'm a 38-years-old man that had the opportunity to play a great game at a high level.

I was born and raised in America and had never understood what the game of soccer could do for me until I watched professionals play back when my family used to follow the New York Cosmos. I signed my first contract at 19-years-old and from that time I have been in a fight with my demons ever since, from having money in my pocket to getting addicted to drugs.

My story is not told for any of your readers to feel sorry for me, but for them to understand that we are human and life stops for no one.

I thought that I was in control of my life and that I could conquer the world and no one could stop me, I felt like I was the hero of the night when my team would step out to play.

I thought people had only come to the games just to see me, I was selfish in many ways and respected no one, not my players, coaches or fans. I was the man, I was invisible, so I thought.

That was until I bumped heads with cocaine, which became a close friend to me.

It made me feel powerful and invisible to the world, it put me in a place where I have never been before. I would go to training high, games high and team appearances high.

I recall spending everything I had on drugs; I did not care about my family, friends or self. I did not care who was talking about me as long as I filled my addiction void I was happy.

It was only when I had mixed the drugs with gambling when my days here were numbered, I not only owed people lots of money through the drugs but now gambling.

They were all recipes for death. It destroyed my life and the trust others had in me. I was now a failure as a professional athlete.

Where am I now, you may ask? Well, it is very hard but I'm fighting my way back, I'm losing some battles and have very little friends due to my choices.

I'm out of touch with the game, I have lost everything I have owned. I know I have only myself to blame. But I will work every minute to get back my life.

I realise after all this time that I'm human and my road will only get longer if I do not come to grips with who I am.

I ask for nothing from anyone, but hope this does not happen to you. I hope that you do not be a prisoner in your own body, it's the worst thing in the world.

I have understood that I cannot go anywhere unless I free my mind from negativity and fear. I just wish I could start my professional life over again.

David, I want to thank you for the space in your column to talk to your readers.

I do hope some could understand that life even as a professional is not that easy, having money is one thing but knowing what to do with it is another.

My friend I do appreciate your time to write in my column, I hope all the best for you in your push to get back on the right track.

I want to leave you with a quote by Oliver Wendell Holmes: What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Until next time!